The Mat as Microcosm

Planes, Trains & Automobiles

2012-01-27T15:38:00.000-08:00

Two weeks ago was the first time in my life I have been able to read on a train (or a plane or a car or anything moving). After a recent visit to the eye doctor, I got new glasses (I've never worn glasses except for maybe two days when I was twelve). I thought I'd give them a try on the train. I pulled out a book, read a page and was delighted to find that I was not nauseated. This is a whole new world to me! I'm like one of those regular people who reads a book while on a long journey. I was so excited that I forgot all about the hidden benefits of not being able to read on a train (or plane or in a car). Usually when you have several hours with nothing to do, you think of a way to occupy yourself. Reading is obviously a big one. Working on the computer is another. Watching movies is another. These all rely on vision and I couldn't do any of them while traveling (until two weeks ago of course). I had to come to terms with simply relaxing or interacting with a fellow human being who happened to be seated next to me (how terrible!). Listening to music or sleeping is of course an option for the easily nauseated. I didn't realize that this is actually one of those "blessing in disguise" types of things. When you have a bunch of time, you think "fill it!" or "occupy thyself with something useful!". Yet it is quite refreshing to just relax for a few hours and not "do" anything. For some, it's a rare opportunity. This is something I realized while practicing savasana (the laying down doing nothing pose a the end of a yoga class). At first you think, "I'm not doing anything; what's the point?" and then you think, "This is awesome; I can just relax and I don't even have to think, yet I'm not sleeping." A train ride without reading is kind of like a really long savasana. So now that I have joined the reading-able, I'm not sure if I even want to take advantage of my new skill. I may keep traveling time "activity free".

Two Places at Once

2012-01-26T22:24:00.000-08:00

I recently learned that not everyone takes an observer stance or witness point of view with themselves (however frequently). For some reason, I thought everyone did this. Maybe it's a learned skill and I simply forgot that at one point, I learned to "see myself". So instead of thinking and doing, you're watching yourself think and do. You're noticing your own tendencies, patterns, reactions, etc. There's a line in the book "Yoga Nidra" that I've read over and over that says, "Look within and try to be aware of the one who is looking, who is aware of what you have been doing so far." One of the amazing things that happens when I'm on my mat is that I can simultaneously witness myself and be present (in my body) in whatever pose I am doing. It's like being two places at once (inside and out) or maybe it's more like being in your mind, body and heart all at the same time. Maybe it's like being bigger than your body and in your body at the same time. Maybe it's being an individual and part of the whole at the same time. It's a union. Hmm, that's what the word yoga means-to unite or to yolk. This is definitely a practice I take off that mat. Being grounded and present in my physical form and at the same time maintaining a bigger awareness in each moment. This is a great way to take your view from narrow to open.

Fierceness

2012-01-25T22:20:00.000-08:00

There seems to be a theme lately. It keeps popping up in different areas of my life. Fierceness. I typically think of fierce things as bad. Something I don't want to encounter. But there's a positive side to fierceness. Something intense and seemingly negative can actually serve a positive purpose. For instance, when my teacher has us hold a lunge for what seems like an insanely long time, that is fierce. It's not mean or punishing, quite the opposite. The ferocity is meant to relieve suffering. By making me stronger, holding a pose for a long time helps to eliminate the potential hazards of not being strong (like getting injured). By enduring a challenging situation, you are then equipped to deal with future challenges with more grace and ease (and less suffering). I remember watching a documentary called "Fierce Grace" with Ram Dass. He had a stroke which caused him to lose faith and he realized the stroke was actually a stroke of fierce grace, something that rapidly and drastically opened his awareness and allowed him to become even more sensitive and gentle and loving. It's hard to think about intense and difficult things as an act of Grace, but ultimately the idea is to get you to hold yourself up... and to feel more freedom than suffering. So the next time I'm "forced" to hold a 5 minute squat, instead of getting pissed at the teacher, I'll think, "Hey, thanks for the fierceness; I feel better already."

Where Is Your Energy Going?

2012-01-24T21:34:00.000-08:00

Several months ago, my teacher said that yoga teaches us to direct our awareness. I think this is one of the most important practices to take off the mat. We can consciously choose what to focus on and what to direct our energy towards. Anusara yoga teaches us to direct our energy towards that which is life-enhancing. When I'm on my mat obsessing about what others may think of me or judging what others are doing, my energy is going out and my awareness is somewhere outside of me instead of on my breath or my pose or my practice. And those judgments (of myself or others) are not particularly life-enhancing. It's essentially a waste of energy. Over time, we learn to refine our energy usage and put the maximum amount towards that which serves and improves and enhances our life experience (and hopefully the life experience of others). So I catch myself now and then dumping energy on something useless and I just remember my teacher saying, "Yoga teaches us to direct our awareness". I can choose. I can choose what I put my energy towards.

Hurry! Nothing is Waiting

2012-01-23T19:12:00.000-08:00

I'm in the car and I've got a few minutes before I have to be in class. Time for alternate nostril breathing! Yes, this is the kind of thing that excites me nowadays. As I was breathing, I noticed my breaths were long and smooth and un-rushed, which is pretty rare for me. Rushing is my middle name. Even if there's no reason to rush, I'm rushing. Where did this smooth, steady breath come from? It must have been cultivated on my mat. It was on my mat that I discovered my tendency to rush (or at least I acknowledged it there). I'm always thinking about the next thing and it creates this unsettled kind of feeling, a "charged" kind of feeling. Once I acknowledged it, I could use my yoga tools to change it. Savor the juicy present, take three breaths, settle into your seat-all of these are anti-rush techniques. Even though I know this, I don't always do it. I find myself rushing alternate nostril breathing quite often actually; that's why it was a surprise that it was so smooth today. I guess it just means the information and the practices are starting to get stored in my cells; they're becoming part of me and sometimes they surface when I least expect it. It's a good thing (as Martha would say).

Settle Down

2012-01-22T17:39:00.000-08:00

At the end of my practice today, I sat up and brought my hands to my heart and then something marvelous happened. It was as if a pressure valve was released and I just settled into my seat. I felt something happen at the base of my spine and the tension in my body magically dissolved. I smiled for the first time today (had a gloomy day). This moment reminded me of a recent discovery; the "down" part of settle down is actually really important and makes settling much easier to embody. If I consciously allow the weight of my body to settle down into my seat, I automatically feel more relaxed. It takes me out of my head and I can feel myself again. This works if you're standing or lying down too, just let your weight settle down into whatever is touching the ground. It's so simple and so powerful. I notice I do this a lot on my yoga mat, especially after a challenging pose or sequence. My brain and body have been working hard and settling down is like a mini restoration. But this is SO beneficial off the mat. Anytime I'm feeling anxious or angry or scattered or uptight, I "settle down" into whatever is touching the ground and my state instantly improves. Try it out and see what happens :)

A Letter to a Pose

2012-01-20T13:47:00.000-08:00

Dear Press Up Handstand,
I hope to meet you someday. Today, I was trying to learn more about you on my yoga mat. A recent purchase of a physioball was even made so that I could strengthen my core and practice balancing on my hands while resting my legs on top of the ball and trying to pull them up. Tough work! Don't be offended, but I was wondering why you're so elusive; so few seem to actually find you. Is it the upside down thing? The mastery of "floating" that you find from deep inner strength? Please advise. I think my on-mat adventures of chasing you have taught me something. It doesn't matter if we actually ever meet. The fact that you're there and that someone has met you is good enough. In my journey to find you, I am becoming stronger and more focused and more integrated and more refined. It seems to be that way with all you elusive poses that hang out together on the mountain top (say hi to chakorasana for me). It's less about meeting you and more about what I find out about myself along the way. Thank you for being there and even if I never see you, I will have had a full and joyful life.

Namaste,
Erin

Carpe Snow Diem

2012-01-18T21:12:00.000-08:00

It's a snow day in Seattle. To experience the snowy pleasures, one must seize the moment; for it is but a moment that this kind of thing lasts here. I saw at least three people cross country skiing in the streets. Someone designed a tea pot, cups and even a muffin out of the white stuff on a picnic table. My sweetie and I arranged a lunchtime snow date to get a hot cider (at one of the few shops that was open today) and to run across the street to the park and make a snow angel. It's evening now and already starting to get slushy. Come and gone. I appreciate these brief moments of joy of beauty now more than ever. My yoga practice has taught me that. There are so many sweet moments on the mat (and the meditation cushion), yet they are so fleeting. It's like pure bliss for 10 seconds and then it's gone. But I know it's there to be experienced and if I am present enough, I can experience it. I wonder what it would be like to always be present. Seems like so many opportunities are missed being distracted by silly things, like fighting about who said what and when and how. If I practice being present on my mat, I know it will start to happen more and more off the mat. Happy Snow Day!

Train Yourself to See the Beauty

2012-01-17T22:21:00.000-08:00

Today I had my very first experience assisting an Anusara Yoga class. The teacher for whom I am assisting gave me a form to review before class; it listed several tips for good assisting. One of the tips was "Train yourself to see the beauty". Though this may seem simple and/or obvious, it shifts your whole perspective when you look at students. You're not looking for what's wrong; you're looking for what's right and how you can enhance it and help to make their experience even better. It's hard for me to scan a room searching out the beauty; for some reason my mind goes to what needs fixin'. It actually feels a lot better to look for the good. It makes the practice about appreciating what you already have and brightening that rather than drudging yourself up out of the darkness of imperfection so that one day off in the distant future you can be "good" and "beautiful". I was so nervous when I was assisting (I didn't want to put my hands on anyone or make any "corrections") that I just went around the room telling everyone how beautiful they looked. At first I thought, "I didn't do anything; why was I even there?" And then I thought that simply by saying that to someone, I may have uplifted them and given the rest of their practice a little boost or maybe even made them feel good for the rest of the day. Now the key is to see the beauty and offer helpful tips for improvement!

I'm Alive and So are You!

2012-01-16T21:22:00.000-08:00

Last night the snow turned to ice and there was no way I was driving my car up the hill this morning. I decided to walk 1.5 miles (much of it uphill) at 6:30am to teach class at 7am. Quite invigorating I must say! The cold air outside, me sweating inside my down coat, my breath visible in the air and my heart beating in my chest. I'm alive! What a good reminder. I couldn't stop smiling-just from walking to work. It made me think about how enlivened I feel when I practice yoga. It's the pulse. We work with a pulse in Anusara yoga. You softly expanding as you relax and feel your breath and then contract as you engage your muscles and hug into yourself and then expand again as you stretch and extend yourself beyond the boundaries of your own body. The pulse reminds me that I'm alive and aligns me with the bigger pulse-the expansion and contraction of everything in nature and beyond. Whether walking up a hill in the middle of winter at dawn or sitting quietly on my mat and feeling my heart beat, I am drawn to the pulse and it pulls me into heart to feel who I really am.

You Talk Good

2012-01-15T21:58:00.000-08:00

In a teacher meeting last week, one of my fellow teachers said something fabulous about choosing your words wisely. In a discussion about how much to talk while teaching, many teachers mentioned that they think they're talking too much. She said, "Say more with less. It’s not that you necessarily need to talk less; it’s just that EVERYTHING you say has to be more meaningful and clear and concise." I had never thought about choosing words carefully until I started teaching yoga. My job is basically talking, after all. And since we're taught to walk around the room and help others while teaching, instead of doing the poses, we have to be really clear and descriptive in what we're saying. For people to really feel it, you have to even be poetic. And for folks to not get distracted and have an opportunity to feel, you can't be babbling. So here's the gist: get your point across effectively with as little filler as possible. Say as much as you need to, but NO more than you need to. This is one of the best things I have taken off the mat. How to "talk good". There is so much crap and filler that we say everyday that is completely unnecessary. If you really think about it, how much do you actually NEED to say? A lot of the extra stuff is just verbal anxiety or discomfort anyway. It feels really good to clear away the word garbage; it leaves more space to enjoy all the beauty.

Lightheartedness

2012-01-13T22:02:00.000-08:00

You may notice that over there in the right hand column, I refer to this blog as "lighthearted". Today on the train, I was thinking about this description and started wondering... what exactly is lighthearted? And does this blog qualify? Here's what I came up with. My own definition of lighthearted: coming from a place that recognizes that our essence is goodness (i.e., our hearts are filled with light, we just have to reveal it). I don't particularly care for the dictionary definitions of "free from seriousness", "cheerfully optimistic" or "not being burdened by trouble". Light is not the opposite of serious. It's the opposite of dark. Darkness veils and conceals; it is unseeing. Light allows us to see. It is not just a fluffy surface thing. It penetrates deep within-into your very serious core. It is joyful, but not necessarily optimistic or without worry. Just because something is illumined does not mean it will never encounter any challenges. It doesn't trick itself into thinking everything is perfect. It sees that there is negativity and it brightens it in someway. So that's what I think about the whole lighthearted thing. What do you say? Is this blog lighthearted?

Breakthroughs

2012-01-12T21:35:00.000-08:00

It's always exciting to do something you've never done before. I had several students do forearm balance for the very first time this week and they were all stoked. Big smiles, high fives, "oh my gods". It reminded me of all the breakthroughs I've had in my yoga practice and how they all came with a nudge from a teacher or a colleague. Left to my own devices, I take very few risks. I err on the side of safety and though it is safe, it keeps me from those exhilarating breakthroughs and prevents me from taking things to the next level. This comes through in my teaching as well. I tend to keep things safe because I'm afraid of someone getting hurt and I don't trust my own knowledge and skill much of the time. This month, my goal was to challenge my students more and at the same time, I would be challenging myself. I decided it was time to take a little risk. Already, it has paid off--in the joyful faces of the forearm balance "first timers". Had I remained in scaredy cat land, they would not have had the opportunity to do something new. And they can do it. I have to trust them... and myself.

What's Authentic?

2012-01-11T21:38:00.000-08:00

I just watched the documentary "Marwencol" about a man who was assaulted and brain damaged and he begins creating models to process the trauma, using dioramas as stand-ins for real life. At one point in the documentary, an editor of an art magazine is talking about how authentic Mark's art is and how rare that is to see in the art world. He says when people are photographing dolls especially, there is usually some irony involved, but Mark's is totally honest. I was thinking about this in relation to creating anything. When you're creating something for the purpose of being seen, it's already affected or "inauthentic" in some sense. When you are creating it simply for yourself and because you love it, the honesty and authenticity and beauty automatically pour out of it. Mark's work is beautiful because it is an outward expression of his own heart. It IS him. He didn't make it for anyone else to like it. If I'm on my yoga mat and I'm creating a pose to be seen and for others to admire or appreciate it, it loses some of its lustre. If I'm doing it because I love it and it makes me feel good, it immediately becomes more beautiful. You can tell when you look at someone in a pose and they're really diggin' it and they're not at all concerned about who's looking at them. Anytime I find myself doing something for the purpose of presenting it or being viewed as something or someone because of it, my heart is not fully in it. If I do something that's completely honest, the true beauty reveals itself and I find that others are automatically drawn to this realness and authenticity. Keep it real; that's keeping it beautiful.

Just Keep Doin' What You're Doin'

2012-01-10T21:52:00.000-08:00

Feeling discouraged lately. On and off the mat. So naturally, I look to my on-mat experience to inform my off-mat experience. On the mat, I'm feeling like I will NEVER get forearm balance. Will I ever get to the place where I can just float up and hold it on my own, solid, every time? It seems like I've been working on this pose forever and it's not happening. But the effort counts, right? Or so they say. I feel like I should be all "Bhagavad Gita" about it and "Be intent on action, not on the fruits of action". But I like fruit, damn it! I want to see results. Still, I'm gonna keep doin' what I'm doin' and try the pose at least 3 times each time I work on it and just go through the steps that I know will get me there and try to be content at the end of my trials. So here's the off-mat bit. I'm feeling discouraged about a job-related situation. No matter what I do, it seems like this area of my work will never be successful. It seems like everyone else can do it but me. What's wrong with me? I try to use the wisdom I gained from working with forearm balance and just do my best and not get so caught up in the results, but it's hard. Keep on truckin' and focus on what's good about what you're doing and the fact that you're even doing it.

You've Got the Whole World... in Your Breath

2012-01-09T22:01:00.000-08:00

On the yoga mat, I get a lot of little opportunities to pause and notice my breath. In & out, expand & contract, fill and empty; it's a beautiful pulse. And I'm not the only thing pulsing. Everything in nature has a kind of breath, a pulse, an expansion and a contraction. In the yoga world, we refer to the universal pulse as spanda. It's the big Mama breath. My breath is just part of a bigger breath. When I allow myself to align with that bigger breath, I feel so much brighter and more supported. It's like stepping into a current and letting it carry you. It takes me out of my smallness and reminds me that I'm part of something bigger. I am a microcosm. In the same way that my mat is a little version of my whole life experience, my whole life experience is a little version of the whole universal experience. Whenever you're feeling lonely, notice your breath; it's like linking up with everyone and everything else.

Aww! I Love You Guys

2012-01-08T20:42:00.000-08:00

I went to class the day before New Year's Eve and it was packed! I saw so many yoga friends that I hadn't seen in such a long time (and some that I had seen recently). It felt amazing to be surrounded by a loving community. Just being around them uplifted and re-charged me; I gave and received tons of hugs and left class with a huge smile on my face. Yes, the yoga helped too and the yoga is what bestowed this blessing of community upon me. Just by showing up on my mat, I am automatically part of something bigger. You don't have to be invited or accepted or reviewed to be part of the yoga community (at least where I practice); you step into it when you commit to your practice. It's a gift, a support, it's a million shining hearts reminding you that you're not alone and you're just like them and they're just like you. It makes me want to hug everyone on the street and say, "we're the same!" I carry the sense of community off my mat, out of the yoga studio and onto the street. I start seeing the human-ness in everyone. When I step onto my little mat, my whole world expands.

It's All About Me

2012-01-06T15:43:00.000-08:00

I find it helpful to be mindful of the thoughts I'm having about other people when I'm on my yoga mat. Usually, the thoughts are judgments and usually, the judgments are projections. I'm thinking something about someone that I actually need to address in myself. I'm thinking, "This woman is all up in my face, what's wrong with her?" when really I need to be addressing my own discomfort with intimacy. I'm thinking, "God, what a ridiculous question he just asked, the answer is so obvious" when really I need to address my own insecurity about my intelligence. So it's actually all about me and has nothing to do with them. What you think about others and feel in response to others is the best material for your own self-study. It can be challenging to turn it on yourself; it's easier to blame and to focus outwardly. The yoga mat is a really good place for this study because it's relatively quiet and the environment is usually not very hostile or competitive. As you start to be aware of yourself on your mat, you become more and more aware of yourself off the mat. Hence, the name of this blog, "The Mat as Microcosm".

Your Mind Needs to Eat Too

2012-01-05T21:33:00.000-08:00

Do you ever have a really busy day in which you have no time to pause? Does your brain have kind of a "fried" feeling at the end of such a day? It's easy to forget that your brain needs to eat too. Even if you're busy, you'll usually pause to eat at least once. But that's only nourishing your body. What about your mind? The mind is fed by delicious pauses. By a few quiet breaths, a quiet walk with no destination, a brief meditation, a yoga practice. It's funny to me how I never even thought to feed my mind until recently. As usual, it started on the mat. My yoga practice was attending to my mind in a way that felt restorative and revitalizing. Then, I took the practice off the mat and into my "regular" life: twenty minutes twice a day for meditation-2 good healthy meals for my mind. It makes a huge difference. Naturally, I can think better, but everything goes a little more smoothly when I am well-nourished in all ways. Grab a salad for lunch to keep your body happy and a side of sitting still to keep your mind happy!

I Get To vs. I Have To

2012-01-04T22:07:00.000-08:00

I went to see an Ayurveda doctor a year or so ago and she gave me a whole list of things to do in the morning to help maintain my overall sense of balance and well-being. When she was going over the list with me, she said something that has stuck with me ever sense, something that I have applied to almost everything that I do and it has completely shifted my attitude towards most of those things. She said, "rather than thinking of these things as tasks or things you have to do, think of them as wonderful things that you get to do to help your body and your mind and your overall well-being. Allow yourself to enjoy each step." This was totally new to me somehow. I get to teach class, I get to cook myself a meal, I get to write this blog. You start to think of everything as an amazing gift and you automatically appreciate everything that much more. It happens on the mat too. I get to practice yoga and sit still for a minute and free up my body and feel my breath and work my muscles and be part of a community and learn from this teacher and do this really challenging thing that not everyone has the opportunity to do because of this, that and the other limitation. I'm glad she said this to me because I tend to be task-oriented, but now I try to re-frame everything as "get to" and I smile more.

Marshmallows: A controlled substance

2012-01-03T22:01:00.000-08:00

Before the holidays, I bought a bag of marshmallows thinking they would be fun to have for hot chocolate. Then, I started eating them without hot chocolate...and as snacks...and for no reason at all. I decided to put them in a sealed container and store them in the most hard-to-reach cabinet in my kitchen. I declared them a "controlled substance" only to be used in the case of hot chocolate. This didn't really work and this led me to declare something that I have been denying for a long time. I'm ADDICTED to sugar. Of all the possible addictions, I suppose sugar isn't the most deadly and life-wrecking, but who knows? It's still an addiction and I go into some kind of withdrawal without it. How does my story with marshmallows relate to yoga? Yoga gives us the opportunity to notice our addictions and escape mechanisms. Oftentimes, we are not still or quiet enough throughout the day to notice our patterns (we're too wrapped up in doing them), but the quiet, stillness we experience in the pauses of a yoga class are the perfect times for self observation. What am I doing or thinking right now that is pulling me out of my present experience? And what am I so afraid of in the present experience anyway? What would happen if I stopped thinking about lunch or stopped planning my day in my head or stopped looking at my nails or stopped judging the person next to me? What would happen if I stopped eating sugar? I am so identified with it as part of my life and even my personality that it's hard to let go of. I'm doing it though. A no sugar experiment for an undefined amount of time. Just to see how it goes. Two days in now and I'm still alive. When I find myself on my mat clinging to one of my addictions, I actually laugh at myself and think, "oh, that thing again. It's ok, let it go. You'll probably be happier without it anyway". It's easier to notice yourself on your mat and then you can notice yourself off your mat, like when you start "controlling" marshmallows.

Happy New Year Erin! Love, The Flu

2012-01-02T22:02:00.000-08:00

Yes, I got the flu at 12:15am on January 1st. I think it was my first lesson of the new year. Guess what , Erin? Things don't always go as planned. You can't control everything. Sometimes, you have to slow down. Ok, I'm listening. I canceled all of my New Year's day plans (and got a sub for the class I was supposed to teach) and just rested. I also got a sub for my Monday morning class and rested. The things on my "to do" list will just have to wait as I lay here and think about how I try to move too quickly, do too much and plan everything. I'm glad it got me right away, so I start the year off in a restful mood. It's like the beginning of a yoga class. You always start off just settling in, resting quietly into your breath. Even if it's going to be the hardest class ever, you start out slowly. You have to relinquish your plan; you don't know what poses are coming or what's gonna happen, but you do get to choose how you respond to each new moment, to each new lesson. Do you take it in or do you resist? Sometimes something shitty happens and it doesn't seem like this could benefit you, but even the flu can be a teacher.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!

The Agenda

2011-03-21T17:33:00.000-07:00

I tend to plan too much. In fact, I plan everything. I even plan to have "unplanned" time. Everything on the agenda must be completed. I have started to notice the drawback of this penchant for planning. It really hit me on the yoga mat the other day. I was taking class and the teacher had a perfectly lovely theme and focus for the class, but I didn't hear ANY of it. I was totally doing my own thing, thinking about what alignment principles I wanted to work on and what was on my practice agenda. She was talking, but none of the words were making it through my ears. I might as well have not even been there. At the end of class, I realized that I had completely missed an opportunity to learn something new, to have a new experience, to receive a new way of looking at things. Having a strict agenda is the opposite of being receptive. It is saying, "I know what I'm doing, don't get in the way of my plan" instead of saying, "Here are some ideas, what do you think?" It's like a manager who doesn't let their employees have any say, no feedback is received and consequently, no growth or change ever occurs. My new "plan" is to be more receptive, to let go of my agenda and open myself to the opportunity to learn, to listen, to see and to feel. It's just more relaxing that way and I like relaxing.

Your Father is Muscle Energy

2011-03-07T13:51:00.000-08:00

I recently attended a workshop with John Friend, founder of Anusara Yoga. He talked a lot about Muscle Energy, one of the main alignment principles in Anusara Yoga. You can think of it (in John's words) as a "conscious firming of the muscles onto the bones and a dynamic drawing of the energy from the periphery into the core of the body". It's basically engaging your muscles to create stability, strength and physical integration in a pose. More importantly, it makes you feel safe and when you're safe, you can allow your body to open and stretch. John says, "Your muscles embrace you so that you can relax and melt." If you feel unsafe, you clench. When we practiced Warrior II shortly after that, I could really feel my insides sort of soften and let go within the strong embrace of Muscle Energy. I expanded and stretched and relaxed. It felt wonderful.

I didn't fully understand the physical and psychological components of Muscle Energy until my therapist used the EXACT SAME WORDS to describe what it's like (or should be like) when your father hugs you. My father passed away when I was 16. Naturally, this contributed to a bit of insecurity in my personality and way of being. To compensate, I overdo the muscle energy in my life; I try to make everything extra stable and secure. But the softening and the melting is missing. My therapist told me to imagine my father hugging me and to feel the strong embrace letting me know that I was safe, so I could relax and melt. I almost freaked out when she said this and immediately told her about muscle energy. Of course! It makes perfect sense. It's not just physical. Everything we do in yoga has a psychological counterpart. It is a mind/body practice. I love it!

May you melt into your own embrace.

P.S. I just looked up Muscle Energy in the Anusara Teacher Training Manual and it actually says, "It is like the compression caused by two people embracing"!

Yoga: So you can do more stuff

2011-02-25T15:12:00.001-08:00

A few Sundays ago, I was driving to yoga class in a not-so-excited-to-teach mood. After I had parked, I realized that my backpack with my yoga stuff in it was in the backseat directly behind the driver's seat. I started to reach around to get it and when I was halfway there realized that I was in quite a deep twist. I thought, hmm, I could get out of the car, open the back door and simply reach in and grab it or I could continue into an insane twist and see what happens. I kept twisting while my inner voice shouted "Should you really be doing this? This isn't natural...or safe or smart or necessary." I grabbed the backpack, quickly uncoiled and paused, expecting to be injured. "I'm fine! Nothing is broken or pulled! It's amazing! It's because of yoga!" I decided to come up with a new tagline for yoga-Yoga: so you can do more stuff. I was now inspired to teach and to share this story, tagline and motivation for practicing with my students. So often, I hear of folks getting injured doing the simplest, everyday tasks such as reaching for the peanut butter in the back of the kitchen cabinet or opening a window while reaching over the couch. Yoga enables us to complete these everyday tasks with greater freedom and ease. It allows us to carry groceries without our arms giving out. It also allows us to do more unique and fun activities with greater freedom and ease (e.g., ski, run around with the kids, reach for a backpack in the backseat). It allows us to step one foot off the pier and onto the boat and actually balance instead of falling over (true account from one of my students). So if you want to do more stuff or if you simply want to be able to continue doing what you're already doing, practice Yoga.

Maslow Simplified

2011-02-10T10:42:00.000-08:00

Perhaps you're familiar with Abraham Maslow and his hierarchy of needs. Basically, it outlines all of the human needs from the most basic and fundamental (e.g., food, shelter, safety) to more social needs (e.g., friendship and intimacy) and finally to realizing one's full potential (what Maslow calls "self-actualization"). I've been thinking about his theory a lot over the past few months and how it relates to the life-changing experiences I have had through the practice of yoga. A light topic, I know. In thinking about this, I have come up with a simplified version of Maslow's theory. Here goes: 1) Stay Alive 2) Live 3) Enjoy Life. Ok, numero uno, stayin' alive. No, it has nothing to do with John Travolta. It has everything to do with keeping yourself in the game. Depression is so prevelant in today's society and it can get so severe, that people choose to remove themselves from the game. I've gone through my own bouts of severe depression and at those times, staying alive was the only goal. I even wrote myself a sticky note that said "Stay Alive" and put it on the fridge. So at this first level of the hierarchy, you just make sure you're eating, call friends and family for support and try to go to work. In the realm of yoga, this first level is akin to showing up to class-just being there even if you don't do anything. Then there's number two, "Live". Once staying alive is no longer an issue, you ask yourself, "Am I just going through my day on auto-pilot or am I actually living, allowing myself to experience each moment, being present in interactions with others?" Are you participating in life or are you somewhere on the outside watching it happen? In the realm of yoga, this is akin to moving through the poses with awareness, allowing yourself to experience the action, rather than just moving on auto-pilot, which, believe me, happens a lot in yoga classes. Number three, "Enjoy Life" involves not only being present in all that you do, but actually finding joy and delight in what you do. It is when your heart is awakened. It is when you go outside and smile at the sky. In Anusara Yoga, the body is a vehicle to awakening. Every pose is an opportunity to remember and reveal your shining heart. In stage three, you are creative, happy, free and radiant. My yoga practice has carried me from number 1 to number 3 and even though I move back and forth, I always know that 3 is there and yoga will help me. May you stay alive, live and enjoy your life!

Un-messable With

2011-01-27T10:57:00.000-08:00

I keep coming across this theme of steadiness. When I hear a message from multiple sources within a condensed period of time, I figure I had better pay attention. The first messenger was an article in Yoga Journal discussing how to meditate with ease. The author suggests seeing thoughts as clouds passing in the sky. The sky is unaffected by the clouds, even if they are big and black and icky because they always pass. The sky is always there above it all with its calm, steady omnipresence. Your awareness is the sky. It is steady and unaffected by the thoughts in your mind. I have started to use this image in my meditation practice and I find it to be extremely helpful. Even if I have a bazillion racing thoughts, my sky self (my true self, pure consciousness) feels un-shakeable, or as my friend and fellow yoga teacher Jo says, "un-messable with." The second messenger was my mentor. During a class she asked us if we could maintain the steady ground of our being even if the edges are rough. Can we be grounded in ourselves and "ok" with ourselves whether we manifest a magnificent pose or a shaky pose? Since that class, anytime my sense of steadiness or "sky quality" seems challenged, I think of Ben Stiller in "Meet the Parents" exclaiming "CAN YOU DEAL WITH THAT?" And my answer is, "yes", bring it on, I'm super steady yoga girl.

Impatience Becomes Presence

2011-01-10T16:11:00.000-08:00

"We have to practice because suffering must blossom into bliss." These words come from Hindu Tantra scholar and meditation teacher, Paul Muller-Ortega and they have been singing in my ears since the fireworks exploded on New Year's Eve. I welcomed 2011 with ambition and enthusiasm-new classes, new plans, new adventures. I was so excited for all this to get under way that I literally couldn't wait. I became extraordinarily impatient in everything I did-driving, waiting in line, even practicing yoga with a DVD-I could barely focus long enough to complete one pose.

What's funny is that a few days before the new year, my yoga instructor unknowingly warned me against this very thing. As we were sitting and quietly breathing preparing for class, she said, "What if you could sit here without even waiting for class to begin? Maybe we'll just sit here and meditate for 90 minutes." In other words, what if you could actually be present for five seconds? Thinking back to that class, I realized that my suffering must blossom into bliss, that is, my impatience needed to blossom into presence. I'll need to be present if I'm really gonna do all this fabulous new stuff this year. If I continue to live in excitement for the next thing, I'll miss all the "now things". How do I plan to transmute impatience into presence? Breathing of course. It is my focus for January in my teaching and I am most certainly teaching what I need to learn. Breathe and be present, impatience (and any other suffering) magically transforms into the blissful state of pure consciousness.

"What the future holds for you depends on your state of consciousness now." (Eckhart Tolle)

Happy New Year!

The Driven House Cat

2010-12-09T15:23:00.000-08:00

Which animal represents you the most? Have you heard this before? When asked this question, I have always given the somewhat self-deprecating answer of "House Cat." My answer is an admission to laziness and takes into account my slightly withdrawn, slightly self-righteous and slightly bitchy behavior. And although I do have a penchant for napping on the sofa near a sunny window, there is a part of me that is definitely driven and enterprising. Can a house cat be driven? I'm not sure. They must be motivated in some way. Or maybe this is the balancing non-house cat part of me. I'm glad I have this part; it wasn't always so apparent. When I think about how my yoga practice has progressed over the years, I see how I have become less and less of a house cat. It mirrors, almost exactly, my house cat-ishness in my off-mat life. I used to be WAY lazier, rarely challenging myself or meeting my potential. I used to sleep A LOT MORE. Now I get up early (usually) and take on new challenges with enthusiasm. I go to harder classes, I practice more often, I try to hold poses longer (this is hard for the house cat part of me) and I am always looking for ways to become a better teacher and expand my yoga business. Even with all of this drive, the house cat is still there; my default is always to lay around, nap, purr and drink milk (I love milk). I have become a driven house cat. I'm cool with it though because it feels more balanced. I can relax but I also go out into the world and participate in a way that feels meaningful to me. I continue to be fascinated by the parallels of on and off mat life. As I see myself changing and progressing in my yoga practice, I see myself changing and progressing in my life. It makes sense; I am the same person on and off the mat.

P.S. I'm allergic to cats and I've never had one as a pet. Weird!

Snow Day

2010-11-24T17:20:00.000-08:00

It's snowy here in Seattle and that means it's hard to get around. Seattle is heavy on hills and light on snow plows, so even though we have only accumulated a few inches of the white stuff, the last two days have been declared "snow days". I have found snow days in Seattle to be both beautiful and challenging. It is beautiful seeing the flakes fall and gather on the sidewalks and rooftops. The quiet streets are a pleasant change. And neighborliness is increased as folks chat and laugh about the weather when they pass. HOWEVER, it is a pain in the ass to get anywhere, ESPECIALLY if you live on top of a big hill (which I do). The steepest section of the hill I live on (Queen Anne for you Seattleites) has become a car death zone. Abandoned cars that attempted the snowy ascent sit in the middle of the street-three of them even managed to collide into each other sideways. No buses run on this hill on snow days. And only crazy people or those with 4 wheel drive even attempt to get up and down it. To get to my classes (the ones that weren't canceled), I have to walk a mile down the icy slope and catch a bus that may or may not show up due to snow reroutes.

What does this have to do with yoga you ask? Well, yoga is like a snow day. Beautiful and challenging. It is such a beautiful way to experience the opening of your body and the awakening of your spirit, but it can take a lot of work and a lot of time to "get somewhere". It's a challenge to show up on your mat everyday to do the work, but it's worth it. For instance, the strength and empowerment you feel in Warrior II pose is a sweet gift, just like the chance to make a snow angel or sled down a hill is the sweet gift of the snow. So worth it. Beautiful and challenging, just like so many things in life. Enjoy your mat. Enjoy the snow. And Happy Thanksgiving.

Rumble in the Jungle

2010-11-15T13:05:00.000-08:00

It's a showdown! But instead of George Foreman vs. Muhammad Ali, it's The Yogi vs. The Unconscious Being. They're preparing to start. The Yogi quietly meditates in his corner, whilst The Unconscious Being bounces around throwing false punches, thinking of the glory of winning. The announcer comes on and asks The Unconscious Being, "What do you bring to this fight?" to which he shouts "IDENTIFICATION WITH FORM!" The announcer then asks The Yogi, "What do you bring to this fight?" to which he enthusiastically replies, "A FULL HEART!" In signature style, the announcer bellows "LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLE!"

As soon as the bell rings, The Yogi leaps into the center of the ring and rips open his chest, revealing the light of a thousand stars-the brightest heart that anyone has ever seen. In the shining mirror of The Yogi's heart, The Unconscious Being is shown his true, joyful essence and layers upon layers of masking, cloaking and identity instantaneously dissolve and disappear. He drops to the ground sobbing tears of joy. The Yogi slowly walks over to the weeping, now Conscious, being and whispers, "We are the same. Let us both live from the goodness of our own hearts and share this victory... but I'm keeping the cool championship belt!" They stand together in the center of the ring, raising clasped hands in victory.

May your yoga practice be a constant reminder of your shiny heart and your joyful essence.

The Pulse

2010-11-03T13:19:00.000-07:00

I was rewinding a yoga video the other day and I noticed something pretty amazing that solidified my confidence in the universal pulse that we are all a part of. In Tantric Philosophy and in Anusara yoga, there is a name for this universal pulse; it is spanda. Everything vibrates or pulses as part of the whole. And everything pulses as an individual as well. We each have a pulse, we each breathe in and out, we each expand and contract and so does everything else in nature. And ultimately, we all pulse together. So as I was rewinding the video, I was trying to get back to a point before the students started holding downward dog for a really long time. I realized that as I was rewinding, I could actually SEE the spanda. I could see people's bodies pulsing in the pose, gently drawing in and reaching out, slightly pulsing with the breath and easing themselves into the pose. In real time, the pulse is very subtle and not always visible. In fast rewind, it it quite obvious that the pose is not static, there is movement, there is breath, there is life in the pose. When you see someone holding downward dog, you may think you see stillness, but underneath that stillness is a gentle pulse and that pulse is what connects us to the greater vibration of ALL things. NO pose is static, you never just arrive and hold it and nothing moves. It is a living, breathing posture. And the same thing is true off the mat. You never just arrive at something in your life and that's it, nothing changes after that. Things are always pulsing and changing and leading up to and crumbling away from and so on. So as much as you may think you are striving to arrive at something in your life, the life is in the pulse, in the process, in the enjoyment of the moment. Grab a yoga video and start rewinding and notice what you see!

The Best Part of Yourself

2010-10-25T17:12:00.000-07:00

I was just watching a DVD of John Friend (founder of Anusara Yoga) leading a yoga teacher training. He was explaining some of the "big picture" reasons for practicing yoga and one line really got me. He said, practice yoga to "get a little glimpse of the best part of yourself." I love that! For me, the "best part of myself" is the feeling of pure joy. I started thinking of moments in my life when I was open enough to get a glimpse of this joy and what it felt like. Two moments leaped to mind right away. One time, I was eating peas (no special sauce on them or anything) and they just tasted soooooo good. I thought, "I LOVE these peas right now" and I could really taste them and my whole attention was on the peas and I could feel this joyful, almost giddy sensation inside from having a full experience. The other time was in a yoga class. And I can't even remember what pose I was in (which is a testament to the fact that it's more about the feeling) and I just remember thinking, "This pose feels AWESOME right now, my whole body feels awesome and open and alive and I just feel great." So what was so special about these moments? What allowed me to experience (for a moment) the best part of myself? Well, for one, my guard was down; I was relaxed and wasn't trying to impress anyone or accomplish anything. Secondly, I was completely present; I wasn't obsessing about my taxes or something. When you take a second to relax and allow yourself to be present, you open yourself to experience a glimpse. By practicing yoga, which constantly reminds you to be present and open, you increase your potential for those glimpses. Those glimpses may even start to become minutes or hours or days. And maybe you'll even start to live from the best part of yourself all the time, experiencing the fullness and the joy of each moment.

Awaken to Sensation

2010-10-18T13:15:00.000-07:00

Can you feel your body? I don't mean can you touch it with your hands. I mean, do you have a sense of your body? Can you feel your heart beating? Can you feel your tush on the chair (or whatever you're sitting on)? Can you feel how your body responds to your breath-softly expanding through the chest as you inhale and releasing as you exhale? One of the most beautiful opportunities we have in yoga is that of awakening to sensation. We remember that we're alive and we feel our own vibrant being. It's so easy to cut ourselves off and only live from our heads. Awakening to sensation requires turning the volume WAY down on your mind and taking a moment to listen and to feel. You'll find that this is also a great way to receive feedback from your body. Our bodies are much smarter than we give them credit for. They will tell us when something is out of balance (e.g., faster heartbeat, pain in the low back, icky feeling in the tummy). Our body is constantly sending us signals, hoping that we will take action (or non-action) and return it to a harmonious state. From this place of harmony, we can use our bodies to awaken to even greater sensation-the feeling of the heart breaking open with loving kindness in a full backbend, the feeling of strength and steadiness in the legs in Warrior II, etc. Whenever I can actually quiet my chattery mind for a moment or two, I truly enjoy the feeling of my own body and the sweet sensation of life flowing through it. Take a moment to feel yourself today. Even if you feel creaky and tired, you know that you're alive and you can always change the creakiness into something else through your transformational yoga practice.

Yoga as Fitness

2010-10-10T18:26:00.000-07:00

Yoga happens to be a good workout. As a yoga instructor, I tend to balk at yoga practiced purely for the purpose of physical fitness. Recently, I've become more relaxed on the subject. I started letting go of some of my yoga snobbery when I took a very physically challenging (but at the same time, very satisfying) yoga class on Monday. There was some mention of the breath, but the rest was strictly physical. I was sweatin' and it felt good. "This isn't so bad," I thought. Meaning, yoga as fitness isn't so bad. In fact, what better way to stay in shape than to practice something designed to bring you into perfect balance. Even if you don't care a smidge about forming a union between mind and body or discovering your own divinity, yoga can bring many benefits. Here's three more reasons why I'm cool with yoga as fitness: 1) If being fit is what's gonna get people to practice yoga, so be it. Maybe they'll start to recognize and pick up some of the psychological and spiritual benefits at a later time. 2) I can now admit that I practice yoga to stay in shape (and for many other reasons). 3) Who cares? I'm too serious anyway.

What I'm not cool with is lack of awareness on the part of the teacher or the student, because that is how injuries happen. In classes that are not strictly physically based, there is emphasis on listening to your body and moving with awareness. This piece is missing in some "physically focused" yoga classes and I see people trying to push too hard or teachers guiding students to move too quickly. If you're gonna practice/teach just for fitness, at least bring some awareness to the practice. That's my rant. Bottom line: Yoga as fitness can be good, but STAY AWARE.

Destruction & Creation

2010-09-29T14:39:00.000-07:00

If you didn't know about the seasons, you might think that Fall was the beginning of the end. Leaves are falling, everything green appears to be dying, birds are skipping town, darkness is creeping its way into the light. Ahhh! But thankfully, most of us know that it is just a necessary part of the cycle of seasons. Change is a constant in nature. And the same is true in our own lives.

In Hindu mythology, there is a wonderful and terrifying goddess called Kali. She is typically associated with destruction and death. In tantric philosophy, she is also recognized for her role in creation (the other side of the coin). One can not exist without the other. There must be destruction before there can be new creation. An old relationship must disintegrate before a new one can be created. Fall and Winter are necessary for the Rebirth of Spring. Your old ways of thinking and behaving must be broken down (your yoga mat is an excellent place for this) before you can replace them with new patterns. Destruction is necessary. Oftentimes, it is feared. But there would be no room for anything without it. It maintains the constant change in the world. If he wasn't fired from his job, he never would have become "x". If "so and so" hadn't dumped me, I never would have met "Mr. Right". If my 16 year old hadn't burned down our kitchen, we never would have remodeled it (this actually happened to me; I'm the 16 year old).

Recently, I have realized that a fair amount of destruction is necessary in my teaching schedule. Without certain classes ending, there is no opportunity for new classes (new students, new experiences). Even though it may be sad or scary to let go of a teaching position, it is necessary for my growth as a teacher. It is a reminder to embrace change and know that wherever there is destruction, creation's eager head is peaking around the corner.

Deepen Your Understanding

2010-09-22T12:39:00.000-07:00

It takes time to really understand something. To this, you may reply, "Duh!" But really, how often do we take the time to thoroughly understand something? Do you understand your partner? It can take an entire lifetime to learn all their little intricacies and tendencies and emotional states. Do you understand your job? It can take years to become an expert in your field (about 10,000 hours according to Malcolm Gladwell's book, Outliers). What is it that you are really diving into, deeply? For me, I dive into understanding my own body and how it moves and supports itself in the optimal way. From an understanding of my own body, I am offered little glimpses of the sheer joy of embodiment, of being alive as a human being with a body.

As a student of yoga, it can be easy to remain on the surface, to place your body in different positions that seem "right". "It looks right, I must be doing it." However, it's less about doing it and more about feeling it. If you observe a room of yogis all exhibiting a picture perfect triangle pose, how do you know who is really feeling it (from deep within themselves, with an understanding of their own body)? Well, most likely that person will be smiling. Also, they will exude radiance.

I am writing all of this because I had a beautiful experience in class yesterday in which I really felt my body and understood what was going on. We learned about the middle and lower trapezius muscles-how they support your spine, how they help you to sit and stand straight and how they allow you to move effortlessly into backbends. Learning about these muscles helped me to experience my poses more deeply and authentically, helped me to feel my body and allowed me to enjoy being in this human form. Learn, experience, feel, enjoy. That is understanding. It is a constant process. And it is always deepening.

Dance Your Way through Your Practice

2010-09-14T18:16:00.000-07:00

Five minutes into class yesterday, I realized that I wasn't really there to practice; I was there to dance. Sometimes I don't care about alignment or philosophy or challenging myself. Sometimes I just want to do what feels good. Sometimes I just want to move my body and enjoy the feeling of moving. Sometimes I want to dance through my practice. I think it's OK to do things sometimes for the sheer purpose of feeling good. Once in a while, throw out all the conceptual knowledge, the anatomical knowledge, the philosophical knowledge and just friggin' enjoy moving your body-because you can! Dancing is fun. And yoga can be fun too. And the fun is not limited to yoga. Once in a while, throw out all your seriousness and dance your way through your day. Enjoy moving around and celebrate the feeling of embodiment. According to Anusara Yoga and Tantric Philosophy, Yoga is the celebration of embodiment. Dance with your breath, dance with your partner, dance with yourself, dance from Warrior I to Warrior II, dance from your house to your work. Sometimes you have to be more serious, but there are plenty of opportunities to peel off the intellectual layer, move out of your "role" and just move around. Shake it baby!

Strike a Balance

2010-09-10T12:49:00.000-07:00

Where is last week's blog post? Unfortunately, it got lost in the land of anxiety. I temporarily forgot the meaning of equanimity. I allowed myself to respond to life's fluctuations with reactivity and emotion instead of balance and clarity. September has brought a lot of change in the form of new opportunities and I feel fortunate for all of these opportunities. When things around me are moving in a whirlwind, it is especially important to maintain balance. According to Deepak Chopra, "Balance is flexibility in the face of change." Yoga teaches us to remain balanced internally as the external world shifts and changes. There may be waves, but instead of letting them rock you about, you simply ride them on your super yogi surfboard of perfect balance. Hmm, that should be an actual product - super yogi surfboard of perfect balance. It would sell. We all know the commercial tendencies of yoga lately. But that's off track. Back to balance. Yoga brings balance. By building awareness, focusing and quieting your mind, following your breath and forming a connection with your body, you begin to develop an internal reference point. Regardless of external circumstances, you maintain your natural, harmonious inner essence. Regardless of the yoga pose you are practicing, your inner state is calm and you stay connected with your breath. It's all the same on and off the mat. Maintain balance and maintain your inner peace no matter what life throws at you.

5 Tips for New Yoga Students

2010-08-23T13:31:00.001-07:00

Welcome to Yoga, Newbie! Here's a few tips to get the most out of your practice. And might I add that you have chosen a fabulous new hobby (you may even find that it is a new lifestyle).
1. BREATHE-the breath is the foundation of your yoga practice. It will help keep you calm, focused and present. It will also help you stretch deeper and relax into your poses instead of fighting them.
2. START WHERE YOU ARE-everyone comes to yoga with their own unique talents and limitations. The best thing you can do is to honor where you are and grow from there. Avoid forcing your body into shapes it is not ready to be in, even if the person next to you easily folds into that shape.
3. ENJOY THE GOODNESS-one of the best things about yoga is how good it makes you feel. Notice how you feel coming into class and how amazing you feel after class. Yoga is a celebration of our own basic goodness.
4. EXPERIENCE THE FREEDOM-when you're in a tough situation in class, remember that yoga helps to create freedom in your body and in your mind. Think of all the daily activities you will be able to do with ease and grace. Think of the freeing power of presence-you don't have to worry all the time about the future or get stuck in emotions and events of the past.
5. YOUR MAT IS A MICROCOSM-every yoga class is a chance to learn about yourself. Your mat is a little version of your whole life experience. Any thoughts, behaviors or tendencies that tend to come up for you off the mat, are re-enacted on the mat. If you tend to be stubborn, withdrawn, hard on yourself, overly rigid or overly flexible (whatever the tendency), it will show up in your practice. Pay attention and notice these patterns; you may notice that you can replace them with more helpful patterns. If you can make changes on the mat, you can make changes off the mat (in your "real" life).

Have fun!
P.S. And be patient finding a class/teacher that you like.

Victory!

2010-08-19T11:57:00.000-07:00

Jai! What a fun way of saying victory (that's the sanskrit word for it). I always enjoy the feeling of a "yoga victory"-some discovery I make with my body that allows me to do a pose in a whole new way or even to do a pose for the very first time. It warrants shouting, "I did it!" or "Yes!" or "Jai!" It's always nice to take a moment to revel in your little (or big) accomplishments. Unfortunately, I sometimes allow other people's victories to cloud my own. I diminish or even discard my accomplishments because their victory seems bigger or more important. Then I remember that ALL victories are important and worth celebrating. It is necessary to focus on my own growth and my own triumphs. It hurts my heart when I see a yoga beginner get excited about their progress in a pose until they look to their left and see someone in a way more advanced version of the pose. They felt victorious until they allowed someone else's victory to blot their's out. Their victory is just as valid. This happens to me too. Just yesterday, in fact, I watched a woman do a beautiful demonstration of a pose in class. What a victory. I did the same pose shortly after (as did the whole class) to my fullest ability. It happened to be much farther than I've ever gone in the pose, but instead of celebrating my victory, I thought, "well I can't do what she did yet." It's so ridiculous for two reasons: 1) I am so ridiculously close to the full expression of that pose that it's practically not even a difference and 2) I can feel inspired by such a lovely demonstration if I simply allow myself to forget about comparison. I can be excited for BOTH of us! It feels much better that way and it is honoring that we are each in a different place and must grow from there. There is no race to the advanced yoga pose finish line; it is simply a journey full of celebration along the way. Celebrate all your victorious-on and off the mat. Jai Ho!

Directing Your Energy

2010-08-10T11:00:00.000-07:00

Yesterday afternoon, my sister texted me that she was on her way to the hospital because her water broke. At first, I was pretty calm. Then, the excitement started. An overwhelming amount of energy was rushing through me. I thought, "I have to do something with this energy right now or I may burst." I went to yoga class. What a perfect way to direct energy. I felt more relaxed and had used all that excitement for a creative purpose. As early as a year ago, I would have just sat with that intense excitement and let a wave of thoughts take over my mind. It would have turned into anxiety. Any intense emotion or impulse that we feel can either take us over or be directed into something useful. Whether the impulse is "positive" or "negative", it can be channeled and focused for a purpose. It can even be directed to dissolve by meditating. I'm sure we've all had a rush of emotion (e.g., excitement, anger, frustration, joy); it feels like your whole body is vibrating (and it is). It is then your choice what you do with that energy. I recommend directing it.

P.S. She's still in early labor. I'll let you know when there's a baby!

The Critic

2010-08-04T08:48:00.000-07:00

Thinking isn't always helpful. Yesterday, I almost allowed my thinking to talk me out of something that I really liked. I took a class with a teacher that I've never had before. As a yoga teacher myself, I tend to have a "teacher critic" in my brain that tries to talk to me while I'm taking class; this critic evaluates what the teacher is doing, telling me I should and shouldn't do certain things that this teacher does, telling me this and that is good or bad about the teacher. It can be annoying and distracting. More importantly, it takes away from my full and present experience of the class. When I finally got the critic to shut up, I realized that I was really enjoying the class. It felt good. I felt better than when I had come in and I wanted to come back. Any thoughts I had about the teacher or the class were pretty irrelevant. What mattered most was how I felt. This teacher created an energetic space that felt good (to me at least). If I let myself, I could go through a long list of yoga teacher do's and dont's. Ultimately, what matters is that the teacher offers an experience that allows people to feel and enjoy their own goodness. I don't want to be a critic (of yoga teachers or anyone else). I want to enjoy my yoga practice (and my life).

Get Engaged...to Yourself

2010-07-27T13:56:00.000-07:00

Music in yoga classes. I have heard differing opinions. Some say it's distracting and should never be played during class. Some find it to be a lovely addition that either relaxes or inspires. I prefer no music, but admit that I enjoy a musical class from time to time. Today, the teacher was playing music during class. I did not enjoy it. I started thinking about how it was distracting me, then realized my thoughts were probably distracting me more than the music, then I realized that the main thing going on here is that it's my responsibility to keep myself engaged and present during my yoga practice. Whatever is going on around me, it is up to me to stay focused, to follow my breath, to move with awareness and intention. The teacher is not responsible for keeping me engaged, the music is not responsible, the sequence of postures in not responsible, the speed of the class, the surrounding environment (whether it be noisy, cluttered, dark or incensed) is not responsible. I am solely responsible for staying engaged. I do not go to yoga class to be entertained, I go to take a journey inward and to emerge living from my truest self. As always, the same holds true off the mat. It is not up to others to keep me engaged in my life; that is up to me.

Stay Connected

2010-07-20T11:05:00.000-07:00

"Take a moment to settle your feet into your mat." I love when teachers say this; I think it's a great way to start a yoga practice. It creates a connection with and sensitivity to the earth (even if you're standing on a floor). I was reminded of the importance of this connection and sensitivity this weekend when I decided to hike Mt. Si in my Vibram FiveFingers ("barefoot" shoes). Yes, I could definitely feel the rocks; I got quite a reflexology massage, but I'm glad I did it. When you're barefoot (or almost barefoot), you pay more attention to where you're walking. You're more sensitive to the earth and you feel more connected to the surface on which you are walking. You walk with care. The first thing that we created to separate us from the earth was shoes. And since then, we have become more and more disconnected. We have literally become "insensitive" to the earth, so it's easy to see why we're destroying it. The simple act of being barefoot reminds us to be kind to the earth because it sustains us and we have to sustain it. I'm not saying that we have to prance around barefoot all the time and live in the woods in a tree house with no running water or electricity; however, when we are enjoying the luxuries of modern life, it's nice to remember that everything we have comes from nature. Try growing some food sometime and notice how much more sensitive you become to the earth. Sensitive not in an emotional way, but in an awareness kind of way. The same awareness that you build in your yoga practice by paying close attention to your breath and your body. You notice all the subtle shifts, everything you do affects everything else. It's all connected, whether it's within your own body or in your surrounding environment. A little sensitivity goes a long way.

Yoga for All Levels

2010-07-15T14:01:00.000-07:00

This week, I had a unique opportunity. I visited the same teacher three times and experienced the same class/same theme/same alignment focus three times. However, each class was a different level. The advanced version was Tuesday, intermediate Wednesday and beginner Thursday. The teacher was very skillful in presenting the same basic information while keeping it appropriate to the level of the class. If the teacher uses too much jargon and throws out too many hard poses, beginners will be intimidated. If the teacher moves too slowly and explains every little detail, seasoned practitioners may get bored. Careful adjustments were made to meet the needs of the class. For example, we did some fancier poses in the advanced class, but we were working with the same actions in the body as the beginner class. Some of the words varied from class to class, but the idea was the same. The pace was different, but the feelings evoked by the theme were the same. This experience reminded me that yoga can be accessible to everyone; it just has to be presented appropriately. We're all working on the same stuff, but everyone is in a different place and we have to honor that. Meet people where they are. This can be done on or off the mat.

With Every Fiber

2010-07-08T10:02:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, my teacher asked me to demonstrate Natarajasana (Dancer Pose) for the class. I love backbends; it was especially nice to be talked through this backbend individually. Each instruction helped me to experience the pose more fully (and eyes watching was extra motivation for "fullness"). It felt great. When I came out of the pose, I noticed that my whole body was shaking, not in an anxious, over-stimulated kind of way, but in an enlivening, vibratory kind of way. I realized that when you fully dive into a pose, you feel it with your ENTIRE body, every fiber of your being. Every cell was awakened by this backbend; it was a totally non caffeine-like rush. Oh my God! Every pose can be like this; every pose can awaken your whole being (or calm your whole being). Every bit of you is involved in the practice. Nothing is isolated; nothing is left out. It is truly a holistic practice. I wonder if I can dive into "off the mat" experiences in this way? I wonder if I can feel everything I do with my whole body. How great would that be?! I'll give it try and let you know how it goes...
Wishing you fullness in your practice and your life.

Decline to Opine

2010-07-06T12:45:00.000-07:00

My teacher said something interesting the other day. We were seated and preparing for a short meditation at the end of class when she said, "See if you can just rest with no opinions for a few minutes." No opinions? Hmm, actually that is a really good way of instructing someone to calm the mental chatter. After all, most thoughts are opinions of some form or another. Most emotions are "opinions" about a thought. Everything is a perspective, a judgment (i.e., an opinion). If you let those go for a while, not only is it a relief, but it is a lot more peaceful, a lot less hostile, a lot less labeling of "good" and "bad". It's a lot easier to just rest and breathe when you're not trying to categorize everything all the time. Opinion-less experience is pure experience. It is awareness and noticing instead of judging and reacting. It feels better to my nervous system. I tried this no opinions thing while driving the other day and it really cut down on my road rage (yes, yoga teachers get road rage too). Instead of forming an opinion about the person cutting me off and the situation of being cut off, I just think, "Hmm, I was cut off" and move on without reacting further. It helps my sanity. Now, perhaps you're thinking "Isn't it necessary to have opinions sometimes?" And the answer is, of course. It's difficult to manage your life and make decisions without them. But see if you can find those moments when opinions are just not necessary, when they get in the way of direct experience. You may find a little more joy and a little less tension. Let go of the need to be right and instead, be happy.

Take It on Faith...Not!

2010-07-01T15:05:00.000-07:00

Have you encountered someone who is afraid to practice yoga because they think it is a religion? I suppose it is a legitimate concern. Who knows what crazy yoga dogma instructors may be brainwashing you with while you innocently flow through your sun salutations? Ok, that was sarcastic. But that's only because I know yoga is not a religion. Yoga is not a faith-based practice. You don't have to believe anything to practice yoga. In fact, you don't have to believe one thing your instructor says. You do, however, get to experience everything for yourself. You get to try all of the suggestions (poses, breathing, meditation) and see what happens. Yoga is like an experiment. Try "x" and see what happens, see how you feel, notice if anything changes. There is no blind leap. There are only opportunities, opportunities to know yourself, to change your attitude, to get stronger, to find clarity, to ponder, to open, to flow with grace, to say "yes" to the stuff that makes your life better and "no" to the stuff that doesn't. There are some guidelines to help you along your way. Unlike the strict moral code of most religions, yoga offers moral "suggestions" in the form of "yamas" and "niyamas". They are given with the attitude of "try this and see if your life improves" rather than "do this or you'll burn for all eternity". Basically, you are free to do as you wish and to see if yoga does anything for you. No subscription necessary.

Appreciating the Smell of Grass

2010-06-22T12:58:00.001-07:00

I have just returned from a yoga practice in the garden. No yoga mat. Feet in grass. Hands in grass. Nose in grass. I was feeling much appreciation for the bright, warm sun and the beautiful, fragrant garden. That's it. Just basking in the loveliness and appreciating it. No other complicated thoughts, concepts or lessons. Not trying to gain anything from it. Just appreciating a lovely experience. I like the feeling of appreciation; I think I shall allow it to surface more often. Naturally, I am starting to think of wonderful things in my life that I do not take the time to appreciate. I wonder where my awareness is during these moments. It's probably lingering somewhere between what I want to achieve and what I want to improve, instead of just on the mere existence of a beautiful thing. I wonder if I could go to a yoga class and just appreciate each pose, each breath and each moment, instead of thinking about the benefits of it (what's in it for me) or how I can "get better" at it (look at me). And it's the same for everything. Can I simply appreciate my partner without wanting something from him? Can I appreciate what I have without trying to figure out how to get more? Can I just appreciate? Appreciation is a present moment experience; it is inherently joyful. I like it.

Aha! That's What it Means

2010-06-15T13:08:00.000-07:00

I had an "aha" moment the other day while teaching a private session. I was explaining the "union of opposites" (2 blog posts ago) to my student and during my explanation, it became clear to me what this whole "union" business was all about. The part that wasn't making sense to me had to do with why the opposites were "un-united" in the first place. While attending a workshop of Paul Muller-Ortega, a renowned Tantric Philosophy scholar, I learned that there is a necessary separation stage that must occur before we can unite with the divine consciousness. We detach from our old ego, take our hero's journey (ala Joseph Campbell), and return to our new selves united with our divine universal essence. The separation is essential, otherwise the union is not recognized. This was sort of fuzzy to me when I first heard about it. However, when I was explaining union to my student, I said that we have to separate the two opposites first to recognize and experience them, to bring awareness to the two extremes. We have to experience our sun side (masculine, active energy) and our moon side (feminine, passive energy). Only then, can a balanced union be created. One separates into two (or into many in the case of people) and returns to one. We all have the same source, the same essence, the same basic goodness. The One created this separateness to be aware of itself, to recognize and delight in itself. As soon as we remember that we have one source, we are no longer separate. But the trick is remembering. It's SUPER easy to forget and to view ourselves as separate and different from everyone else. We are individuals, but we all have a divine essence. According to John Friend, founder of Anusara Yoga, "remembering" is one of the two highest purposes in practicing yoga (the other is celebration). This practice of remembering occurs on and off the mat; it is a constant process of returning to our joyful essence.

Heart & Head: Best friends forever

2010-06-08T13:25:00.000-07:00

Lift your gaze and your body will follow. Have you heard this before? Maybe in one of your yoga classes? It's usually true. Your body does tend to follow your eyes. Your actions tend to follow whatever you have your "sights set on". Look and go. See it and do it. Your heart follows your head. However, your heart doesn't always want what your head wants. This is a really easy way to get into trouble. The easiest way to avoid this troublesome situation is to reverse the order. Lift your heart and your head will follow, your gaze will follow. Feel it, then see it. The other day, my teacher offered me an opportunity to actually embody this whole heart and head thing. We were practicing dolphin pose in class. She instructed everyone to "tip your heart to the front of your mat and your head will follow, your gaze will follow". I never thought of it this way, but it makes perfect sense, physically and figuratively. Start with your heart. In an anatomical sense, when you tip your heart up, your shoulder blades dip into your back, press your chest up and your cervical spine and skull easily follow this flow of energy. The heart and head are intimately connected. It's the same as the body and mind being connected. They easily separate, especially with the distorted values of our culture. It can be hard to follow your heart when your head is worried about money or status or any number of things. Lots of people lead with the head, lead with the eyes. I encourage you to lead with your heart. Your heart and head will be best friends; they will happily work together manifesting your heart's desire.

Union of Opposites

2010-06-02T13:47:00.000-07:00

What is this whole Hatha Yoga thing anyway? What does it mean? Why is it helpful? Why do we do it? The simplest answer is in the definition of the sanskrit words Hatha and Yoga. Yoga, as you may know, means union. Hatha is actually two words in one. Ha meaning sun and tha meaning moon. So one might say that Hatha Yoga is the union of opposites (of sun and moon). We all have "sun energy" within us. This is a masculine, active, fire-y energy. We also have within us "moon energy". This is a feminine, passive, cooling energy. The practice of Hatha Yoga joins together these two opposite energies, creating a balanced individual. The combination of the words Ha and Tha in sanskrit means forceful. Thus, the practice creates a more balanced and more powerful you. The practice itself is also quite powerful; it's not a walk in the park. It takes will, strength, focus, consistency, adaptability and simultaneously builds all of those things. It's pretty awesome.

Each of us is responsible for building awareness to discover our tendency (towards activity or passiveness) and for cultivating the opposite energy to create balance. Uniting opposites to find balance has been a focus of mine for quite a while. I'm still working on it. As I mentioned earlier, I have a tendency towards passivity. There's more to the story (as there usually is with people). It's easy for me to fall to one extreme or the other. I can get really fired up and eventually burn out. I can also get really passive and sleeplike and unproductive. The practice of Hatha Yoga is essential in creating a balanced life for me, especially for balancing my energy. When I do have those moments of balance, I feel great! I feel productive (without doing too much) and relaxed (without doing nothing). I feel full and powerful and fabulous and most importantly, I feel like me. A balanced practice equals a balanced life.

Learn It, Know It, Teach It

2010-05-25T12:27:00.000-07:00

I am a teacher. Like all teachers, I am still learning. Just because I have been given the honor and title of "teacher" doesn't mean that I am ready to teach everything that I have learned. There is a step between learning and teaching; it's called knowing. Paul Muller-Ortega, a scholar in the field of Hindu Tantra, says that "knowledge must be awakened by direct inner experience". In other words, you must have an actual experience with something before you really know it. When you first learn something, it is usually a surface level learning. You have some conceptual or intellectual understanding of the information and maybe you've even had some type of feeling connected with it, but it takes time to really own it, it takes time to transform you. Oftentimes, I forget about the "knowing" step and I simply regurgitate information I have learned from a teacher I like. I forget to take the time to integrate the information, have an experience with it, know it, and then teach it. When you really know something, you can convey it much more easily to others and you are better able to connect with your students because you know what the experience is like, you've been through it. For a long time, I was teaching Warrior I using language that I have heard other teachers use. One day, I was on my mat and realized that those words are not helpful to me, they don't help me feel the pose and really tap into my strength and my heart. I came up with some better words and now I use those when I'm teaching. Now my information has to go through a testing phase. I try it out on myself, on my own body, on my own practice and see how I experience it. Then, I modify it (if needed) and share it with others.

I run into this "skip the middle step of knowing" thing off the mat as well. I am guilty of offering information about something without ever really having an experience with it, without really knowing it. And I see others doing it too. I really notice it when it pertains to yoga. I hear people say things about yoga and I'm thinking, "Have you ever even tried yoga? Have you ever had an experience with it or are you just saying stuff that you heard?" This reminds me of a story my brother-in-law tells about when he was playing with his dog. He was throwing a ball into the water and his dog would fetch it and bring it back. Some lady came up and told him he shouldn't do that because it's bad for his dog; it's exhausting his dog. My brother-in-law said, "Do you have a dog?" to which she replied "No." Learn it, KNOW IT, teach it.

Slooooooow Down

2010-05-18T12:35:00.000-07:00

Do you have a tendency towards speediness? Do you sit at a red light with loads of potential energy in your accelerator foot? Do you own a microwave? Do you jump ahead when reading an article or following the instructions to set up your new electronic device or practicing yoga? My answer is yes, except for the microwave (my ex-boyfriend took it when he moved out). This morning, my yoga teacher reminded us to slow down during class. When I slow down, I breathe. When I breathe, I am mindful. When I am mindful, I have a more full experience. We think that when we are speedy, we are getting more done, we are being more efficient and effective. When we slow down and do things mindfully, we produce an entirely different kind of results. The quantity of output may not be the same, but the quality is of a much higher degree and thus, we are more effective in our "doing". When we are mindful, we move towards depth. Speediness is on the surface. Things still get done when we slow down, we just lose the tense, scrunchy, rushed feeling. I don't mind losing that. I like reminders to slow down. I need a lot of them, but it really helps. Pause for a breath, listen, wait, stay, hold, relax, open. This reminds me of my favorite Winnie the Pooh quote. "Rivers know this: there is no hurry. We shall get there some day."

Don't Judge A Pose By It's Cover

2010-05-13T16:50:00.000-07:00

You have to admit that there's some poses you just can't stand. It's the pose you're in and you're thinking "What the hell is this pose anyway? It's really uncomfortable. Am I even in it? What is it even supposed to stretch? Why does the teacher always make us do this one? I wish he would skip it. I hate this pose! How many more breaths until I can come out of this godforsaken shape?" Can you see your unfavorable pose in your mind now?

I had an experience in class today that I think might help me with my "hateful" poses. There is a pose I've been working on that has been troubling me (not my hateful pose, but one that I've been wanting to get better at). Today, my teacher just happened to break down this particular pose explaining it in detail and demonstrating it multiple times. He also explained why we do it. This last bit helped a lot. When you get to know a pose a bit better, beyond it's cover (shape) and learn it's special function and how it helps your body and your brain, you have more appreciation for that pose and less resistance in practicing it. Guess what? I did it right for the first time after he explained it. I thought I would apply this to my "hateful" pose. Instead of groaning every time it comes up or going through a tirade of negative thoughts, I'll ask myself, "Why do we do this pose? What does it teach us? How does it help the body?" If you ask yourself these questions about your own unfavorable pose, you'll probably realize that it's something you really need. The poses you can't stand, you really need. My pose involves arm and core strength, two things I really need to work on. It also involves a great deal of effort, something I am hesitant to give out. It is good for me mentally and physically. I think I'll try to stop resisting this pose. I'll stop judging it and really get to know it. I can do this with other things in my life too, even with people. It can be hard to move beyond your initial negative response to something, but once you take the time to see the value in it, you may really like it.

Lather, Rinse, Repeat

2010-05-11T12:21:00.000-07:00

Ok, this has nothing to do with washing your hair; it has to do with the value of repetition. Repetition is good for you. You may have heard or experienced that children love repetition. This is because the consistency is comforting for them and the repetition helps them to learn. When you learn something, you create new neural pathways and associations in your brain. Repetition gets nerve connections to form more readily, enhancing learning. So even though, "variety is the spice of life," if you really want to learn something and if you really want to change your way of thinking and behaving, repetition is key.

I realized the value of repetition in my life in my Ashtanga Yoga class the other day. If you've ever taken Ashtanga yoga, you know that it involves a lot of repetition, repetition in the sense that the sequence of poses is the same or almost the same from day to day and repetition in the sense that you often do the same pose or series of poses several times within the same class. When I was on my mat doing my fifth round of the Sun Salute A series, I realized that I could (and wanted to) do several more rounds. I was getting into a rhythm; it felt good and the consistency was comforting. My body is so used to the movement and it is so "wired" into my brain, that is is almost automatic. Yet, I am not sick of it. I learn something new every time. I refine my practice of the Sun Salute every time. I find newness in sameness. And this doesn't just happen on the mat, it happens with every behavior that we repeat daily (or maybe even more than once per day). Not that you have to find something new and interesting about brushing your teeth, but you can find something new every time you walk or drive the same path to work, every time you see your partner whom you have seen hundreds or even thousands of times, and every time you eat your favorite meal. It's "same, same but different" (an expression I heard a lot while in Thailand).

Repetition leaves space for refinement, it comforts your brain and your body (especially if you have a particularly inconsistent or unstable past) and it helps you learn better. Lather, rinse, repeat and your hair and life will be super shiny.

Oh Yoga, I Love You

2010-05-04T12:46:00.000-07:00

"Take a moment to think about how yoga has affected your life." This is what my teacher asked us to do this morning at the very beginning of class. She paused (for a while) and I was hesitant to think about my answer. I didn't think the pause would be so long; when I realized she was not moving on right away (wise on her part), I stopped thinking about lunch and started to think about how yoga has changed me. My first thought was... I stand differently. In a literal, anatomical sense, I stand more erect, more aligned and my feet are more rooted into the earth. In a less anatomical sense, I stand with more confidence, I stand with more strength, I stand with more softness, I stand at a clear vantage point, it's easier to see the world and to see it as bigger than myself. I stand more open and more free. The layers of crap and the cloaks of fear/doubt/anger have been removed (sometimes they creep back on, but I'm more aware of when they are there). Yoga has given me a career and a clear purpose. Yoga has revealed my true self. I feel much more me. I feel much more free. My teacher reminded us that Yoga is a technology for freedom. I love that. I love Yoga.

Simply being on my mat cultivates gratitude. Gratitude not only for Yoga and how it has changed my life, but for all of the amazing gifts in my life. When I feel gratitude on my mat and offer this gratitude through my practice, it affects my whole self, not just my yoga self. The mat is simply a microcosm of my entire life experience. Thank you Yoga. I bow to you.

Transient Beauty

2010-04-27T12:45:00.000-07:00

The other day my teacher reminded me of the artistic aspect of yoga. She mentioned how we create these beautiful poses with our bodies, almost like a work of art. I instantly thought of a documentary I had seen called "Rivers and Tides". It follows an artist whose specialty is ephemeral sculptures made from elements of nature. I watched him create an amazing swirling structure of sticks only to be washed away by the tide moments later. He made a sculpture using icicles that actually looked like the icicles were weaving through a log. It of course melted within hours. The short-lived presence of his art struck me. It was a perfect example of non-attachment and impermanence. It's the same with our yoga poses. We create amazing, beautiful "sculptures" with our bodies when we practice yoga. We create a sculpture and then it disappears. We create another sculpture and it too disappears. Yet we are not sad. We do not cling to the art or need it to stay. We know that we can recreate it at any time. We are fine with the transient, impermanent nature of our sculpture making because we know that we carry our art with us. I carry this idea of non-attachment and impermanence off the mat (when I can). Whenever I have a beautiful experience, instead of thinking about how I can preserve it or experience it again in the future, I try to appreciate it in the moment. It is easier when I know the beauty will repeat itself (like the sunset or a full moon). But even if it won't repeat itself, I know there are many more beautiful experiences to come. I will always be able to create a beautiful Warrior 1 sculpture with my body and there will always be beauty in my life; there is no need to try to hold on to a specific moment or experience.

Groundedness & Freedom

2010-04-20T12:38:00.000-07:00

The more you root, the more you rise. Pretty simple, right? Trees do it all the time. But so do we. There is a concept in Tantric Philosophy related to this whole "root to rise" thing. The basic idea is that the more grounded we are, the more freedom we have. We brought this idea into practice in yoga class today by focusing on the connection between rooting the heels and lifting the heart. The more we ground ourselves in our poses (root through the heels), the more freedom we have to expand (lift through the heart). This idea works even if the foundation of the pose is not our feet (e.g., the more we root into our hands in handstand, the more we can lift our pelvis, feet and legs towards the ceiling). It seems to make perfect sense, but in some ways this idea is counterintuitive. We typically think of freedom as total unattachment, nothing holding us down. But it is this exact "holding down" thing that is providing the stability and strength for the greatest freedom and expansion that we can feel. We have to root ourselves into something to grow; we can't just float around (unless you're in your early 20's and you're just out exploring and figuring out exactly what it is you want to root yourself into). This is always a powerful reminder to me to root myself into my passion for teaching and practicing yoga to bring greater health and happiness to myself and to others. The rooting part involves practice, consistency, study, time, energy, etc. And the growth is obvious-I have watched my business grow (rise/expand) over the last couple of years, I have watched the growth and expansion of those people who choose to come practice with me and I have witnessed my own growth and expansion. When I forget to root, I falter. When I root, I rise beyond where I ever thought I could. From the very simple suggestion to root into my feet to lift my heart, I find that I can root into my career, into my relationships, into my life and watch myself rise, feel myself expand, witness myself grow.

Following Directions

2010-04-13T12:42:00.001-07:00

I don't always do what people tell me to. What a shock! This happens in yoga too. I think it might be advantageous for me to start following directions in class. I mean really following all directions. That means putting my feet together even if I want to keep them hips-distance apart, that means waiting until the teacher says to come out of a pose before coming out, that means doing the pose the way the teacher is suggesting rather than the way I think it should be done (my way is not always better), and that means waiting for instruction rather than anticipating or jumping ahead. There is something to be said for following directions, for being a good student. When you are a beginner, you have no choice but to follow instructions because you have no clue what you're doing. You have no judgment of what the teacher is instructing because you know no other way. Following instructions becomes harder the more you know. But it's important to remember that when you know a lot, you still know nothing. The body of knowledge in yoga is so vast; there is always more to learn. So whether I am on or off my mat, I have to remind myself to pay attention, to listen and to follow instructions, because I still have much to learn.

Decorum

2010-04-06T12:27:00.000-07:00

The other day I was noticing the difference between myself and the owner of one of the studios I teach at. The owner is always perfectly primped and neatly maintained, whereas I tend to be a bit "unpolished". Sweatpants are often worn outside of the house, my hair is usually tied into a scraggly ponytail and I am makeup-less several days of the week. This carries over into my behavior too. I don't always think before I speak and I tend to bump into people a lot. I am, what you might call, "lacking in decorum". Decorum can be defined as dignified propriety of behavior, speech and dress. This wouldn't matter to me so much if I didn't believe that one's outer appearance/actions are reflective of one's inner state. The inside and outside are congruent (ideally). To be ostensibly decorous means very little (at least to me) unless it is congruous to the inner state. I would expect someone who is wild and crazy on the inside, to act and speak and dress that way. It makes sense. No use pretending.

All of this decorum stuff got me thinking-"Is my inner state really that scraggly and unrefined?" And the answer is, well, yes, but I'm working on it. Through the regular practice of yoga and meditation, my inner state is gradually becoming more calm, more refined, more "behaved". I've actually noticed that my outer appearance and actions have changed in the same way. I'm a little less boorish, a little less "shout out whatever you want-ish" and I even comb my hair more often. This kind of change from the inside out is very organic. But it's not the only way. Changing the outside first can help too-as long as the intention is to create inner change. So you may see me dressing a little nicer these days. It's not because I'm trying to land a date; it's because I'm trying to land a refined inner state (ooh, that rhymed).

Rebirth

2010-04-04T13:58:00.000-07:00

Practicing Yoga on Easter is a nice reminder of rebirth. In the Spring, rebirth is happening all around us. When we see this, we recognize that our own rebirth is happening simultaneously. Every time we come to our mats, we are reborn; we have a fresh new self at the end of class. If we look deeper, we realize that each moment is a rebirth. With every breath, we have a chance to re-invent ourselves, to choose how we want to think, act and feel. In each moment, we are born anew, free from any identity we have created for ourselves or that others have created for us. Every moment in our practice, every moment in our lives is a new chance.

When I am having a sluggish moment on the mat, I remember that I have a choice. In my next breath, I can revitalize my pose and my attitude. Everything can change in one moment. This has happened to me. When I choose to be present, to be awake, to fully embody whatever posture I may be in, to give birth to myself, a profound shift occurs. I am new. It's hard not to cling to an identity, even while practicing yoga. I am this body, this personality, this job, this person in my family, this set of thoughts and actions. When we stop clinging, we die to our identity and we are reborn as an authentic being. It is scary for me to let go of the identity because it is a way to define myself; it is a reference point. But the true reference point is the innate goodness in our hearts. Our true essence, our real selves. Each moment on my mat is a chance for rebirth, just as each moment in my life off the mat is a chance for rebirth.

Beyond the Limits

2010-03-30T11:59:00.000-07:00

I had a vicarious "mat as microcosm" experience this weekend. My mother was in town to take a couple of private yoga sessions with me. My mother tends to push herself in most activities, even to the point of exhaustion and pain. Knowing this, I kept reminding her not to stretch beyond her limits and hurt herself. She heard me and did it anyway. My sister and my mom and I had dinner later that evening and we were giggling together about Mom's tendency to do this. We couldn't understand why she kept going beyond her limits. She didn't know either. We just laughed and chalked it up to her perfectionist tendencies. But that explanation did not suffice for my sister. She wanted to know why. Why would someone do this? "What is the underlying cause?" she asked. My mom, not wanting to psychoanalyze herself, just said that she's always been that way, ever since she was little. "There's got to be more to this," I thought to myself.

I started to think about myself practicing yoga. There have DEFINITELY been times that I pushed myself beyond my limits (and not in a good way). What was I thinking/feeling during these times to cause me to do this? And I think I know. It has to do with recognition, worthiness and love. When I push myself too far, I am wanting to be good at yoga. I am imagining that the teacher and other students actually care how good I am and imagining that this actually affects my self-image and my innate goodness. If I am good at something, that must mean I'm worth something. I'm worthy of attention, respect, love, whatever. We all know this is utterly ridiculous. We are all worthy, we are all loved, no matter how long we can hold downward facing dog. We are all good enough.

I love my mother. I don't know why she pushes herself. Maybe it has something to do with being a mother and the responsibility that involves. Perhaps it is something else all together; however, for ME it has to do with the "worthiness factor". It's good to remind myself that I don't have to pull a muscle to be loved.

Practice and All Is Coming

2010-03-23T12:09:00.000-07:00

Last year I read an article in Yoga Journal honoring Pattabhi Jois shortly after his death. One line has stuck with me ever since I read it. Pattabhi Jois told his students "Practice Yoga and all is coming". I wasn't quite sure what it meant at the time, but I really liked it. After an experience I had at an advanced Yoga workshop last weekend, I think I know what it means.

At first, I was a little nervous, with the word "advanced" being in the title of the workshop. Then I figured "Oh, whatever, I'll just go and have fun and do what I can." As the workshop progressed, we started doing more and more advanced poses, some I have attempted before, some were brand new to me, but one thing was apparent-I was doing them! It was shocking and exciting to me at the same time. Where is all of this coming from? How come I can do all of these poses that I've never done before? Then, it dawned on me. So simple. Practice. I have been practicing yoga a LOT more lately. Even though I haven't been practicing advanced poses, I have been refining my fundamental and intermediate poses, paying more attention to my alignment and building more strength and flexibility. All of this practice has apparently paid off. Practice Yoga and all is coming. And it's not just advanced poses that are coming; it's everything. The more I practice yoga (and meditation), the more I find myself practicing in other areas of my life. I practice being consistent, I practice healthy habits, I practice writing this blog, I practice compassion. This practice seems to make me a more "effective" person (things get done) and I just feel better. Things seem to flow more smoothly in my life. As my teacher said this morning in class, "This practice shit works!"

The Alchemist

2010-03-16T12:25:00.000-07:00

When I was younger and people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I would jokingly respond by saying that I wanted to be an alchemist. I thought this was funny and clever. Who would ever be something so obsolete and silly as an alchemist? Little did I know that I would actually become one. I am an alchemist. Not the type that transmutes base metals into gold, but the kind that transmutes people into gold. Allow me to offer an explanation via Carl Jung. Jung viewed alchemy as comparable to a Yoga of the East. He noticed that the practice of alchemy seemed to change the mind and spirit of the alchemist. Spontaneous changes on the mind that occur in the practice of alchemy are similar to the changes that occur in alchemical transmutation. The basic idea here is that people undergo profound change in the practice of Yoga. So profound, that they convert their base metal minds into a luminous (even golden) consciousness. A better word than "converted" would be "returned" since this extraordinary consciousness is our natural state. In the practice of Yoga, we build awareness, so much awareness that we recognize when emotions and situations are disguised as negative. Anger is transmuted into healing, anxiety is transmuted into calm, depression is transmuted into joy. Seemingly negative situations are transmuted into golden opportunities for growth and awareness. As a student of yoga, I have "performed" these transmutations on myself. As a teacher of yoga, I guide others in the transmutation process (ultimately, they do it themselves). We all become more luminous, more golden as we practice our alchemical asana, pranayama and meditation. The mat as alchemical laboratory, the mat as microcosm, it's all the same. We learn from and are transformed by our Yoga practice. This transformation stays with us on and off the mat. We are pure gold.

Spring Cleaning

2010-03-15T12:58:00.000-07:00

Spring cleaning is not only for garages and closets. It's for us! We need to keep ourselves clean-inside and out. If you're like me, you may feel an intense desire to wash away the winter blues and cold weather sluggishness as Spring rolls around. This is the perfect time to turn to our mats. Yoga is a powerful way to detoxify not only the body, but the mind and spirit as well. Yoga utilizes specific poses, such as compressions and twists, to massage and wring out the internal organs, to bring fresh blood flow to these areas, to stimulate digestion and elimination and to just get things moving inside of us. If things inside of us remain stagnant, toxins build up. If things are moving, the toxins are being flushed out. Yoga also helps to keep our energy centers (sometimes called Chakras) open and clear. Negative emotions and vibrations (whether from ourselves or others) can "gunk up" our energy and make us feel weighed down. Yoga cleans our energy. Purifying pranayama (breath practices) further help this cleansing process. It's the difference between your insides feeling like black sticky sludge and clear flowing water. Hmm, which sounds better?

When I come to my mat for a detoxifying yoga practice, I not only leave with fresh insides, I leave with a fresh perspective. I begin to apply the detoxifying practices to my life. What is cluttering up my life? What will makes things flow more smoothly? Physical clutter and mental clutter are addressed more easily and removed more efficiently. My mat acts as a starting point for change in my life. It is a place to recognize what needs to shift and a place to start making those shifts. Change on the mat is change in life.

Raise Your Allowance

2010-03-09T12:01:00.000-08:00

You can't always fix or improve something by doing. Sometimes it can only be fixed or improved through allowing. I tend to want to do, especially when it comes to yoga. I have to do something to make this pose "better". The doing usually means contracting, getting tighter, trying harder. My new mantra for my practice is "instead of trying harder, try softer". To me, this means allowing. Allowing softness and expansion to come to the pose. Even though there is some contraction of my muscles to maintain the integrity of the pose, I do not harden into a more intense contraction when I allow. In many cases, the only way for the pose to become bigger and brighter, deeper and more powerful, is to allow. Allowing can be difficult for some people because it is more passive. Many of us are used to being active, taking action to elicit results. Results can also come from passiveness, from allowing. Erosion is a good example. Erosion is a gravity driven process; it is passive. Water simply flows with gravity, picking up sediment and depositing it elsewhere. This passive process can yield tremendous results, like the Grand Canyon.

I experienced allowing in class today. We were lying on our backs, hugging one knee in to the chest. My teacher instructed us not to pull on our knee to hug it in, but rather to allow the thighs to become heavy. She was basically instructing us to allow gravity to deepen the pose, rather than trying harder or contracting. It worked. I felt myself soften, I allowed my thighs to get heavy and my pose deepened. My knee sunk in to my chest and my other leg sunk into the floor. Whoa! I bet I can use this "allowing" thing in other ways. Maybe my boyfriend can use it too. He tends to want to do something to fix a situation, which is sweet, I know he wants to help and make things better. But sometimes there's nothing to do. Sometimes we just have to allow things to unfold. Sometimes we just have to be there and listen. Sometimes we just have to leave space. Sometimes we have to raise our allowance to experience results.

My Yoga Is Better Than Your Yoga

2010-03-07T20:51:00.000-08:00

Ok, I admit it! Once in a while, I'll get competitive on the mat. Sometimes I compare myself to the person across the room. Hmm, I think my leg is higher than theirs. Why yes, yes it is. Sometimes I feel a strange satisfaction if I hold my pose longer than the person next to me. Sometimes I secretly hope that other students in the class will see me and be envious or that the teacher will offer praise for my lovely practice. However, it is usually short-lived, mostly because of the utter transparency of it all. It is clear where this ephemeral emulousness comes from. We all want recognition and praise because that would mean we are worthy and we are loved. But guess what? YOU ALREADY ARE WORTHY AND LOVED and you don't have to prove it with the bendiest backbend in the land. I spent most of my high school and college years seeking recognition and praise. And I managed to get a lot of it. I was very successful at the whole school thing, but I wasn't passionate about any of it. What a relief it was to come to yoga and not have to impress anyone. There are no grades in yoga. Everyone starts where they are and works their own practice. Success is measured in health and happiness, contentment and balance. Yoga is competition free (except for the weird Bikram competitions you see on YouTube sometimes). But it tends to seep in at times. It is insecurity. It is forgetfulness of our own perfect nature. It is forgetfulness of the purpose of our yoga practice. When I have these fleeting competitive moments on my mat, I usually giggle to myself and appreciate the reminder of why I'm doing all this "yoga stuff" anyway. It's not to be the best. It's to be the best ME. When I remember this, the arrogance, the insecurity, the need to please, the comparison, they all vanish. Compassion for the other lovely beings in the room and for myself returns and I can focus on my practice instead of my glory.

Pedi-phile (Foot Lover)

2010-03-02T12:34:00.000-08:00

Feet! Feet! Miraculous Feet! How do they do it? They're so small and they do and support so much. As a student and teacher of yoga, I spend a lot of time focusing on my feet. So much time in fact, that I have become a pediphile (a foot lover). I lovingly gaze at my feet in the bathtub. I get pedicures regularly. I spend as little time as possible in shoes. I even do foot exercises to spread my toes and strengthen my arches. I ADORE my feet. Naturally, I was thrilled when my Anusara Yoga Teacher focused on feet in class today. She emphasized the fact that the placement of the feet affect every part of the body and every aspect of the pose. And if you have been reading this blog, you know that what is true in Yoga, is true in life. The placement of your feet, no matter what you are doing, will affect your entire body.

My first "foot revelation" came on my mat in a yoga anatomy workshop. The teacher taught us to set the four corners of the feet (the mound of the big toe, the mound of the little toe, the back of the inner heel and the back of the outer heel). She then emphasized the spreading of the toes (not the lifting of the toes off the mat, but spreading them and keeping them on the floor, which is a lot harder than it sounds). All of these actions performed together help to "float" the arches and energize the legs. When the feet are placed properly, everything stacks and aligns on top of them. It is a feeling of strength, support and balance. Once you bring attention to your feet in this way, there's no turning back. You will notice your feet in whatever you are doing. For me, it was at the bus stop. I found that when I was just chillin' on the street waitin' for the bus, I would roll to the inner edges of my feet and my arches would collapse. I could actually feel this radiate all the way up into my back. When I consciously bring weight to the outer edges to balance my feet and focus on floating the arches, I feel more balanced and my back feels better. Try it on the street, try it in the shower, try it anywhere. Set your feet and set everything!

*As a side (but important) note, my teacher began the class by mentioning the book "Born to Run". She recommended that anyone with feet read this book. I agree. I have read it. It is fabulous and I am trying to get everyone I know to read it. Shoes beware! We may be seeing a lot less of you.

Ordinary People

2010-02-28T22:12:00.000-08:00

A new teacher! A re-igniting of my practice! Yippee! This weekend was my first experience with Paul Muller-Ortega, one of the world's most highly respected and renowned academic scholars in the field of Indian Religion and Hindu Tantra. Of all the things Paul offered this weekend, what resonated most with me was the distinction between a renunciate and a householder. A renunciate offers himself completely; the individual no longer exists and the renunciate lives in complete service and/or complete devotion. The person lets go of all desires, all possessions, all career, family or personal aspirations. "The wave dissolves into the ocean" as Paul would say. This path is appropriate for very few people. Most of us are "Ordinary People". Most of us are householders with jobs, families, goals and desires. We are participating in the goings on of the material world. We are not trying to separate from or escape our physical bodies, our minds or our emotions. There are spiritual practices that guide one along the householder spiritual path and there are practices appropriate for the renunciatory path. It is not appropriate for a householder to engage in renunciatory practices; this can cause confusion, lack of enthusiasm for householder life, and failure to fulfill responsibilities.

How does this relate to my yoga practice? Somewhere along the way, most practitioners of yoga, including myself, are given "renunciatory advice" as if that is the only spiritual path. In the past, it was my belief that yoga was simply a means of preparing the body for meditation and that meditation was a means to escape the confines of the body and live in a blissful state of consciousness. But I am not trying to escape my body or my life. I am trying to be more fully engaged with my body, my mind, my yoga practice and my life. I am in the process of revealing the magnificent light within me through the practice of yoga. I am an ordinary person attuning to the extraordinary consciousness. I am staying right here. I am staying me, just a bigger, brighter, more conscious me. My mat is not an escape. It is a vehicle for transformation.

Hug O' War

2010-02-23T11:50:00.000-08:00

Who knew that you could hug yourself with your shoulder blades? Today, teaching integration in the shoulder girdle, my Anusara Yoga teacher instructed us to "retract your arms into your heart." At first, I'm thinking "What the hell does this mean?" But somehow my body did it. Done correctly and mindfully, it feels AMAZING! When I draw my arms into the back of my heart, it feels like I'm giving myself a hug with my shoulder blades. Anatomically, you are taking the head of your arm bones back. It doesn't stop there. Keeping the huggy, snuggly feeling, you then (from what feels like deep within your heart) extend out to your fingertips to increase your wing span. You hug in and extend out, so it becomes a tug of war (but in the gentlest way; it's more like a Shel Silverstein hug o' war). When the shoulders are in the right place, you can tap into your strength, more easily support yourself on your arms, and find full extension of your arms from deep within.

So what did I learn from this? How was this a "mat as microcosm" experience? This experience was an excellent reminder to nourish myself first so that I am better able to reach out and help others. I have to hug/love myself first, then I can extend myself and lend a hand. In flight attendant terms, you have to put your oxygen mask on first and then help others with their masks. I forget this sometimes. It is easy to get caught up in giving and helping without giving yourself any attention and TLC. It felt really good today to hug myself. I recommend it.

Keep on the Sunny Side

2010-02-21T16:05:00.001-08:00

Yes, it's the first beautiful, sunny weekend of the year here in Seattle. People are ecstatic. Everyone is outside. Everyone seems happier and more vibrant. I walked through the Sculpture Park today and saw a man sitting in a chair with his eyes closed basking in the sun. He had the most genuine smile on his face and he looked completely blissed out. Seeing him made me smile. I was so inspired by the radiance of the sun and its affect on the people around me that I decided to tell my boyfriend that I love him. I have been thinking about it for a while, but it's a little scary to be vulnerable in that way (there's always the thought that he might not say it back). But it's so damn nice out, I don't even care what he says! I just want to let him know.

Later on I was thinking, "Why do we rely so much on the external sun for this feeling of light and vibrance when we have the same light within us ALWAYS (all four seasons)?" Every time we practice yoga, we learn to connect with our inner radiance. The sun inside. And we actually become brighter. We shine. Sometimes when I am on my mat, I feel like I can tap into this inner light and allow it to shine as I express my pose fully. I have to remember that I carry this brilliant light with me wherever I go, no matter how rainy it may be in Seattle.

P.S. He did say it back :)

All About Ease

2010-02-18T15:47:00.000-08:00

As soon as I arrived to class today, I instantly felt better, more at ease. I hadn't done ANYTHING yet-no warm-ups, no poses, no deep breaths, no conversations with fellow yogis. Just being there gave me a feeling of joy and ease. I softened into my mat and rejoiced in being there to practice, to do something healthy and wonderful for myself. And the rest of the class flowed from there, from that initial feeling or attitude, from the opening to grace that happens when we come to our mats. The first principle of Anusara Yoga happens to be "Open to Grace". Anusara Yoga is a school of hatha yoga founded by John Friend. The word Anusara means "following your heart". The philosophy of this school of yoga is epitomized by a "celebration of the heart" that looks for the good in all people and all things. Opening to Grace is like softening; it is surrendering to the vastness of the world around you. It allows you to relax so your heart can softly expand and brighten your inner being. This softness and openness then infuses any physical pose that follows. In fact, just this attitude of softness and openness automatically starts to lift your chest and refresh your posture. I don't think I ever truly felt "Opening to Grace" until today. I found that when I open to grace, my practice feels less like work and more like joy and ease. Oh, how I look forward to taking this off the mat. How great to just soften and open before I do anything, and then allow that anything to flow with ease. Ahhhh......

ABC's

2010-02-14T16:07:00.001-08:00

Each session, my Anusara Yoga teacher chooses a theme for the classes. This session, we are talking about the "Three A's" of Anusara Yoga. The Three A's are Attitude, Alignment and Action. Attitude is the heart or emotion of the practice. It is our intention or aspiration. Alignment, according to John Friend, is the "mindful awareness of how various parts of ourselves are integrated and interconnected". It is the mind of the practice. Action is the body of the practice; the outer form or movements the body takes as energy flows through us. Though I have heard about the Three A's many times before, they didn't really fit into my cognitive schema until recently. As my teacher was describing them in class the other day, a light went off. Oh! These are just like the ABC's of psychology (the ABC's are lodged in my brain from college and grad school studies in psychology and social work). "A" is for affect or emotion/attitude. "B" is for behavior or action. "C" is for cognition or our thoughts/mind. Hmm, how nicely these two systems align. So often I find that different systems/philosophies/cultures/religions have similar concepts, just described with different words.

For me, this realization was a nice example of how I learn more easily by relating new information to my own life/experience/body of knowledge. To really understand the "Three A's", I had to find some way of integrating the information. Whenever we learn new things, on or off the mat, it is so helpful to personalize the information so that we can really "get it". Sometimes, there is only a small shred of something the new information can relate to, sometimes it is a more obvious connection (like with the ABC's), sometimes there is seemingly no connection and you just have to take it in and wait for it to blossom, wait for that moment when you can experience it in all facets of your being.

Laid Back

2010-02-12T11:00:00.001-08:00

Most of us are aware of the fact that our eyes are on the front of our head. From the time we are babies, we orient to the world in front of us. It is understandable that we would spend much of our time "frontally focused". However, it is important to remember that we do indeed have a back body. It makes us 3 dimensional beings. We are not simply composed of a front plane and everything that is happening, happens in front of us. There's a whole lot going on back there, we just have to pay more attention to it. And if we do, we are able to have a brighter, more fuller experience of ourselves and of the world around us (yes, AROUND us, not just in front of us). In yoga, equal attention is given to the back body and the front body (and the side bodies, but we won't talk about them today). When we breathe, we fill and expand our back bodies. When we practice downward facing dog, we take our thighs back. When we engage the core, we puff the back of our waist. When we practice bridge pose, we let the back of our head be heavy. When we lunge, we step back. We move back, turn back, bend back, lay back and become fully aware that there is a whole other side of ourselves back there that needs attention, especially if we are hoping to find balance in our bodies.

In my own experience, having a fully "frontal focus" is a stressful situation. Everything is focused on the future, on moving ahead, on seeing, reaching and achieving. When I take the time to become aware of my back body on my yoga mat, I can allow myself to relax into the "laid back" feeling that comes with this awareness. Everything is sweetly stacked in the center and expands concentrically from there. When I translate this into my life off the mat, I find that I lay back a little bit more when I'm working on my computer, I run with my feet right under me and my spine straight rather than leaning forward, I use the head rest in my car when I'm driving and I just feel generally more relaxed and less pressured. It is another way of being present. This reminds me of my favorite Winnie the Pooh quote: "Rivers know this: there is no hurry. We shall get there some day." I think things would be much more chill if we could stop focusing on getting ahead and instead got more "laid back" (it's Ok if Snoop Dogg comes to mind here). Ha ha!

P.S. It is especially nice to sit back to back with someone and breathe fully, feeling your back body expand into theirs.

Start at the Very Beginning

2010-02-06T08:57:00.000-08:00

Today I was tired, but I still went to yoga. Does this ever happen to you? I knew that I was attending a challenging class and that I didn't have as much energy as I normally do, so I had to do something. I decided to set an intention. I would be light. Everything would be light and easy and I would approach every pose in that way, with that mindset. And it worked! I was super relaxed and had one of the best practice days in my yoga life.

Setting an intention is the first step in the practice of Yoga. Without intention, it is simply just an exercise. You may have a physically perfect Yoga practice, but without intention it loses its transformational power. Intention gives the practice a deeper purpose. But what exactly is intention? Many times I will hear a yoga teacher say "Please take a moment to set your intention". Yet, there is often no explanation. If you are new to yoga, it may be confusing when you are asked to set an intention. According to Phillip Moffet, founder and president of the Life Balance Institute, intention is a practice focused on how you are "being" in the present moment. "You set your intentions based on understanding what matters most to you and make a commitment to align your worldly actions with your inner values." Your intentions stay with you in each moment, in every action, in every day. It is a way to guide your actions, thoughts and emotions. On rare occasion, I will forget to set an intention. On these days, my practice seems more "hardened", rote and physical. I forget that I am practicing to peel away the layers, to reveal the joy, ease and lightness within and to share this with the world. It is of course my intention to do this in each moment in my life, not just on the mat. Though somehow things are easier in a 68"x24" world (standard mat size of course).

An Evening at the Improv

2010-02-05T10:33:00.001-08:00

Teaching is an art. It requires technical skills, creative skills, interpersonal skills and most importantly, improvisational skills. When I teach a yoga class, I have an outline. It is carefully planned and neatly written in my notebook. There is a theme, an anatomical focus and poses that fit accordingly. However, I never follow this outline completely. That would mean I'm not paying attention. That would mean I was completely ignoring the sagely advice of my teachers to "Teach to what you see." At any moment, I have to be ready for a total defenestration, ready to throw my whole plan out the window and improvise. Initially, this was tremendously frightening for me. I feel much safer with a plan. It is organized and predictable. But I am teaching people and people are not organized and predictable. I don't even know who may show up to class that day. Maybe it's someone brand new and I have to ditch any advanced poses. Maybe it's someone with a wrist injury and I have to ditch arm balances or be ready to offer them modifications for a bunch of poses without having them be bored to death (you can't substitute child's pose for everything). And I certainly never know what is going to happen, what people will need that day, where we will need to pause and clarify and add or subtract poses accordingly. Despite it's unpredictability, I very much enjoy teaching. It is now a fun challenge to improvise and "Teach to what I see". I look back on my first classes as a teacher and laugh at how my notebook was glued to my hand. Did I even see the students in those classes? I improvise a lot more these days, even when I'm not teaching. Teaching has taught me that it's Ok to ditch my plan, to go with the flow and "live to what I see".

Stay (just a little bit longer)

2010-01-31T12:59:00.001-08:00

I think Hot Yoga is hard. It takes a fair amount of endurance. More importantly, it takes a lot of "yoga endurance". By this I mean one's ability to maintain calm and presence in any situation. When we practice yoga, we are consistently working towards calming the mind (calming the mental turnings, the disorganized thoughts, the "what happeneds" and the "what are going to happens"). We are trying to be calm and present in any situation that arises in our practice. But calming the mind can be challenging. So how do we endure this hardship? How do we maintain calm and presence when our mind is constantly turning? My answer is this: breathe.

Let me give an example from my practice. Sometimes I am expected to hold chair pose for a really long time. I'm in the pose thinking "Chair pose is hard. My legs are tired. Is it time to stop? It seems like it should be time to stop. Is it really good for me to be holding the pose this long? When in God's name is this pose going to end?" This is not presence. In intense poses (such as chair pose), the breath can be used to lessen the discomfort thus allowing you to hold it for extended periods of time. John Friend, the founder of Anusara Yoga, says that the breath gives "you the ability to dance on the threshold of discomfort without reacting". As you breathe and remain steady, calm and present, "the threshold will slowly expand outward, thereby reducing the uncomfortable sensations in your pose". I remember these words when I am in those tough hot yoga poses. I also remember these words when I am in any tough situation in my life. When I use my "yoga endurance", I find that I can more easily move through these situations and sometimes I even enjoy them and learn something.

Easy Rider

2010-01-28T16:15:00.000-08:00

I'm in a headstead. I am struggling, gripping and clenching to hold it, as if these things will actually help me. Must-be-perfectly-straight! Then I see the dog (my teacher brings his very old dog to class each day). It is flopped on the floor on a soft cushion. It is the perfect embodiment of ease. I smile and giggle on the inside and release the walnut-crushing gripping in my butt. I root into the floor with my forearms, gently hug in my belly and relax my legs. Ahhh....headstand feels much better this way. So do other things. Thank you my canine friend for the reminder: experience life with ease, sans gripping.

Keep Your Hands to Yourself

2010-01-24T16:57:00.000-08:00

Whoa! There were 40 people in class today! Mats touching. It is easy to see this situation as annoying, as a violation of personal space, as a hindrance to one's yoga practice. Instead, I prefer to see it how the owner of Urban Yoga Spa sees it-as a great opportunity to practice in a room full of positive, inspiring yoga energy. It is a chance to allow the energy of those around you to motivate and fuel your practice. And how wonderful that so many people want to practice yoga! Think of the benefits (not only for each individual, but for the greater good, the collective consciousness). So what if you get kicked in the face once or twice. Traditionally, the yoga mat defines your personal space. However, sometimes we have to move beyond our own mat. Literally, we may have to step onto our neighbor's mat or touch our neighbor's foot or hand. Metaphorically, we have to take what we learn on our mats and translate it into our lives off the mat. No matter who you are, you will find yourself in a crowd at some point, with less space than you would like. You can choose to be Grumpy McGrumperson or you can enjoy the energy of those around you and know that you are united for a similar purpose. We always have a choice in how we see things. No, I'm not going to mention an empty glass, but you know what I mean. Next time you're in a crowded class, choose whether you want to say "Keep Your Hands to Yourself" or "The More the Merrier".

That's What I Want

2010-01-21T15:54:00.000-08:00

Have you ever noticed that each yoga class, style or studio has it's own "pre-game" etiquette, a culture of what to do and what not to do when you are waiting for class to begin? For hot yoga, the lights are usually off and yogis lie on the floor in savasana, silent, no socializing. For Anusara yoga, students are actually encouraged to get to know each other and introduce themselves to their "mat neighbors". Today, I arrived in an ashtanga class and found that there was no particular "pre-game" plan. In other words, the culture was "Do whatever you want; it's a free Yoga country". For a little while, I didn't know what to do with myself. Some people were chatting while others were sitting still seemingly meditating. I shifted around for a minute or two then watched other yogis chatting and stretching for another minute or so. I found myself starting to do something, like sit with my eyes closed or choose a comfortable resting pose and then I found myself worrying that this was not the "right" choice or that others will find me to be pretentious or stand-offish or some other adjective with a negative connotation, based on my choice. What the hell!!!??? Do I really think anyone cares what I do before class? I literally had to ask myself, "What do I want to do right now in my time before class?" What would best serve me or prepare me for my practice? What feels good right now?

Sometimes I am awestruck by my initial reactions to things. But they are mine and I choose to learn from them. I am eternally grateful to my mat for providing a space to learn about myself and to give me a choice of whether I want to continue with a specific pattern or move beyond it to a more adaptive, healthy, conscious way of being.

Softly and Tenderly

2010-01-20T21:19:00.000-08:00

What a relief to remember that I can soften into a pose. It's as if 100 pounds of pressure instantly dissolves from my being. Sometimes I'm holding on so tight you'd think I was hanging off the side of a building-loosen up girl! Getting caught up in details and the need to "do it right" often bring a tense, gripping feeling to my postures. I loved the delicate reminder I received from my teacher today to breathe and soften. It is amazing how you can maintain the integrity and strength of a pose and soften at the same time. Softness does not mean flopping into a heap of relaxation. It is more like letting the pose come from the inside out, from your heart to your fingertips. It is the absence of gripping, cringing, scrunching and anticipating. It is total steadiness and total ease at the same time. After all, Yoga is a balance of strength and softness. It is a tool to help us find that balance within ourselves. The softness is what makes it an internal experience, not just an external, physical experience.

The inner marriage of strength and softness is something I consistently work to bring into my own being, on and off the mat. Reminders from a teacher to soften help to balance my practice. I translate this into my life off the mat, giving myself reminders to soften when I get caught up in the details of my work or my schedule. I find myself tightening as I type emails, do the dishes, or walk to my next destination. All of these things are much more enjoyable when performed with a soft inner being. And I'm sure my nervous system agrees.

The reminder to soften is yet another example of an experience on the mat improving life off the mat. My mat is my magical microcosm!

The Little Yogi that Could

2010-01-14T16:13:00.000-08:00

Potential. The untapped wellspring of wondrousness that lies within. I had a glimpse of my wellspring today. I'm standing in Parivrrta Uttita Hasta Padangusthasana on my mat. Teacher comes over and says "Do you have hamstring stuff?" I reply, "Um, no." He proceeds to grab my heel and hike my leg up much higher than seems reasonable. Yet, I am holding it. I am OK, I have not snapped. He guides my hand to hold my own heel and I remain in the pose. My initial reaction was to worry that teacher thought I was being lazy. He must think I'm not even trying. Then, I pause. This is not what's important right now. Any judgment the teacher may have of me has little bearing on my life. Only my ego cares what he thinks. I care that I did something I've never done before. I didn't know that was in me! I wonder what else is in there that I'm not using. I have the opportunity to create, experience and offer so much, if only I allow myself to tap into my full potential.

On my little, rectangular microcosm of the world (my yoga mat), I reacted in typical "off-mat" fashion. I was worried what someone thought of me. The mindfulness of the practice allowed me to pause and transcend the worry of personal judgment and instead realize what this experience was really about. Finding and using the potential in me. Things are much easier to recognize on the mat. There are so many variables in the "non-mat" world; these variables often make it difficult to pause, observe and have an authentic experience. I always appreciate the opportunity to observe my tendencies on the mat, the opportunity for awareness and growth.